Writing Feedback / technology will completely replace the traditional teacher in classroom. Do you agree [8]

Dear mahsa,
I wanted to write an introduction paragraph for my new writing and since i am not good at writing i decided to write my paragraph here until other people comment on my writing. If you want to help me please help me to write the rest of writing ( i mean body of writing) and i will be happy you remark on my writing because you are iranian and you understand my problems in writing.

thank you in advance

Writing Feedback / technology will completely replace the traditional teacher in classroom. Do you agree [8]

These days technology plays an important role in our lives ,and using it has became popular in different fields of interest. One of the places that technology has been implemented over the last few decades is in schools and colleges. In the classroom, different methods that are based on technology can be used to simplify the teacher's duties and improve the quality of education. For all these reasons, personally as I will mention later I agree with this .

The first reason to be discussed is the education facilities that is followed by technology. With entrance of technology in the education system, students and teachers will have less work to do. For example, pupils do not have to write their homework in notebooks and they will be able to use computers. Also in this case attending the classroom is not necessary and education can be done virtually. Whereas in the traditional method more time is spent in education and doing homework.

this is part of my writing, please comment on it

Writing Feedback / job satisfaction; employees feel more satisfied if their hard work is recognized [6]

In today's competitive world the dream of every individual is to acquire a good job and to attain high standards in their field. To achieve their dreams they endure many difficulties and hardships that come across their life from their childhood onwards. Almost every individual will have many expectations about their career as professional job holder.

However, their expectations were daunted by the difficulties faced during their job. Most of the employees were not satisfied with the kind of work they were doing, and as a result of this their progress is hindered. Due to lack of job satisfaction many employees are not able to attain high standards in their field of work. Most people feel that job satisfaction is the main reason for their failure. There are many factors which decide the job satisfaction with respect to any kind of job.

Many people hold the opinion that employees enjoy their work if they choose their field according to their interest. However, many people force themselves to work in a field which is not related to field of study. For instance, consider software industry where people from different fields of study opt to work because of the wide range of jobs available.

No one can deny the fact that, employees feel more satisfied if their hard work is recognized by the company. Providing incentives in the form of salary hikes would really boost their zeal and enthusiasm which help them to work even more hard for the company. Nevertheless, some people feel that job satisfaction is achieved if they are able to balance their normal life with their job irrespective of their salary.

Therefore, in my opinion job satisfaction plays an important role for an employee to succeed in his job.

In my opinion :

1- Your conclusion is too short , you must sum up the whole essay in your conclusion

2- You used the word " satisfaction" in your essay 3, 4 times while you could use " fulfillment" or " contentment" instead of satisfaction

3- there is a grammatical error in your essay . In the blue sentence you have first conditional therefore you must write : If some people are able to balance their normal life with their job irrespective of their salary , they will feel that job satisfaction is achieved.

Writing Feedback / 'Choosing an interesting profession' - essay about job satisfaction - IELTS task 2 [5]

Dear Leila

Thank you ever so much for your kind attention towards my writing and thank you for your good comments . I have to mention that I want to participate in IELTS exam and I am studing english by myself. I think my english has made progress but still I am not good at writing. If you help me in writing I will be thankful.

Thank you in advance