Undergraduate /
"whatever decision I make with my co-members" - extracurricular activities or work [21]
Take internet reviews with a grain of salt. Admissions2012 is a horrible editor.
I have been so lucky during my high school experience to be involved in my family responsibilities. This has since created a platform where I not only try to bring out the best of my leadership skills, but also [develop] new
leadership skills.
I enjoy going home each day knowing there is someone
there who expects me to portray my leadership abilities
in duties such as : [<wording is really awkward.] organizing my father's financial arrangements
i.e banking and spending, (If you're going to use this, find a way to fit it in smoothly) cooking the meals and making sure my younger siblings are outstanding in their academic endeavors.
Tutoring my siblings not only helped save the cost of hiring a tutor but also helped me have a
wider horizon on my academic subjects widen my academic horizons.
These experiences [have] motivate[d] me to thrive for the best and be persistent in whatever I do, be it in the science club, the
d ebate team or the student government,
due to the knowledge being instilled in me by my father (awkward). In these activities, I practiced teamwork and leadership, and I've always had full confidence in my decisions,
however I am still open to my team's other ideas. (awkward)
You don't have to make the exact changes that I suggested. It's your essay, so make the revisions that sound the best to you.