Spyridon
Feb 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / TOEFL - People are put too much focus on making wealth and progress in technology [4]
Hi my friend, take a look at my notes:
The life today is totally different from half centuries before[AGO] . Advances in technology do help humans to solve abundant of [without OF] problems; however it also deprives of [it lacks] some things that we had. In my opinion, life in the old days brings more happiness to people than today for several reasons.
The first reason is[WAS] life is simple in the past. Nowadays, all humans compete together [WITH EACH OTHER]. Since world population [IS] getting higher, competition is getting fierce [MORE FIERCE]. If you are not able to handle your jobs, then someone will replace you right away. People need to put much more effort to keep their living condition. Therefore, lives in the old days is [WERE A LOT ] easier than today.
Second, the environment today is serious[LY] damaged. Looking out the windows, what I see isn't sky, trees or mountains, but is coldly high buildings. Everyday, I walk on hard roads, breath in polluted air, and live in a limited space. What's worse [TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE], it has been proved that living in this kind of condition will result in some mental diseases. Thus, the environment our grandparents live is more comfortable than today.
The third reason is that [NOT THAT] the pace of life. Today, we are able to read the news all over the world, to chat with people through the Internet, or to travel around the world by planes; however, it also means that any thing happens in the world will affect our life. If we cannot react properly and immediately, then we will be in a vulnerable situation. We have no choice but have [WITHOUT HAVE] to live in a fast pace.
In conclusion, while there [WITHOUT THERE] some people live in a pretty good condition, it is only a minority. People are put too much focus on making wealth and progress in technology; nevertheless, behind the glamorous facade of it, what we loss will never be returned.
GENERALLY: You tend to make a lot of mistakes, but your general idea is pretty good. The grade that i would put is 6.5/10 , due to the numerous mistakes you made, which are offset by your general ability to successfully grasp the meaning. Go on, and you will make it!
Hi my friend, take a look at my notes:
The life today is totally different from half centuries before[AGO] . Advances in technology do help humans to solve abundant of [without OF] problems; however it also deprives of [it lacks] some things that we had. In my opinion, life in the old days brings more happiness to people than today for several reasons.
The first reason is[WAS] life is simple in the past. Nowadays, all humans compete together [WITH EACH OTHER]. Since world population [IS] getting higher, competition is getting fierce [MORE FIERCE]. If you are not able to handle your jobs, then someone will replace you right away. People need to put much more effort to keep their living condition. Therefore, lives in the old days is [WERE A LOT ] easier than today.
Second, the environment today is serious[LY] damaged. Looking out the windows, what I see isn't sky, trees or mountains, but is coldly high buildings. Everyday, I walk on hard roads, breath in polluted air, and live in a limited space. What's worse [TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE], it has been proved that living in this kind of condition will result in some mental diseases. Thus, the environment our grandparents live is more comfortable than today.
The third reason is that [NOT THAT] the pace of life. Today, we are able to read the news all over the world, to chat with people through the Internet, or to travel around the world by planes; however, it also means that any thing happens in the world will affect our life. If we cannot react properly and immediately, then we will be in a vulnerable situation. We have no choice but have [WITHOUT HAVE] to live in a fast pace.
In conclusion, while there [WITHOUT THERE] some people live in a pretty good condition, it is only a minority. People are put too much focus on making wealth and progress in technology; nevertheless, behind the glamorous facade of it, what we loss will never be returned.
GENERALLY: You tend to make a lot of mistakes, but your general idea is pretty good. The grade that i would put is 6.5/10 , due to the numerous mistakes you made, which are offset by your general ability to successfully grasp the meaning. Go on, and you will make it!
