Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by John9879
Joined: Sep 12, 2011
Last Post: Oct 9, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
John9879   
Sep 12, 2011
Undergraduate / Cross country: dedication, teamwork, and leadership - common app short answer [2]

"I began cross-country my sophomore year to get into shape for lacrosse. As an inexperienced runner, I looked up to the seniors for leadership. Our senior captain led our cheer before our first race and at that moment I made it my goal to be in his position senior year. Two cross-country seasons, two track seasons, and over 4000 running miles later I happened to be in his same shoes. In the middle of our team of over 80 kids, I began to yell the cheer and our team chanted so loud that all 550 athletes at the starting line stopped and listened. Once the gun went off, we placed 5 athletes in the top 12 in the meet and took down the sixth ranked team in the nation. The dedication, teamwork, and leadership I have achieved from cross-country is something I believe no other activity can provide."

This is just the rough draft. I think it is a little too vague but I might be wrong because it is suppose to be really short and only 150 words. Also, another concern I have is I never said what happened to me playing lacrosse. I quit it to pursue track but I don't like using the word quit in my essay. Any suggestions and help would be great thanks!
John9879   
Oct 9, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Standing in a gondola in the heart of Mexico' - Common app personal statement [3]

You can edit the grammar and such, and it is only 240 words long as of now. I am not concerned right now about the quality because I just wrote this up. However, I am concerned about how I am going with this essay. Is it alright to talk about multiple things in such a short essay? Or should I stick to only one topic? Please tell me if I am on the right path. Once again, I'm not finished.

Topic: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I could see 500 feet straight down, nothing but vast desert. Standing in a gondola in the heart of Mexico I met my greatest fear, heights. My heart was racing and my legs were shaking. The only thing that I knew was if I could conquer this, I could conquer anything. Eyes closed, I stepped off the gondola and fell until the bungee cord caught me. I was only 13 years old. Ever since then I have had no limits and have never let anything stop me from pursuing my goals. Being a member of the football and lacrosse team, I was always told that I was one of the slowest runners on the team. During the summer going into sophomore year, I ran over 800 miles and made the state travel team for the cross-country team that fall. To this day I run to not be just one of the best runners in the school, but also the state. From there my goals did not stop. Filmmaking has always been a hobby of mine but I was once again told that I could never go anywhere with it. Instead of giving up and believing what I was told I began to shoot video everyday and learning more about it by attending our school's T.V. club. By the end of junior year I submitted two videos to our statewide film festival placing 2nd and 3rd, becoming one of the top filmmakers in the state.
John9879   
Oct 9, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Standing in a gondola in the heart of Mexico' - Common app personal statement [3]

deathgoest

Well it was when I was entering high school, and after that I started going after goal after goal. I still have a couple goals I've completed to add. But thanks for the feedback, I'm going to try to make it more based on stuff I'm doing in the present right now
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳