You can edit the grammar and such, and it is only 240 words long as of now. I am not concerned right now about the quality because I just wrote this up. However, I am concerned about how I am going with this essay. Is it alright to talk about multiple things in such a short essay? Or should I stick to only one topic? Please tell me if I am on the right path. Once again, I'm not finished.
Topic: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
I could see 500 feet straight down, nothing but vast desert. Standing in a gondola in the heart of Mexico I met my greatest fear, heights. My heart was racing and my legs were shaking. The only thing that I knew was if I could conquer this, I could conquer anything. Eyes closed, I stepped off the gondola and fell until the bungee cord caught me. I was only 13 years old. Ever since then I have had no limits and have never let anything stop me from pursuing my goals. Being a member of the football and lacrosse team, I was always told that I was one of the slowest runners on the team. During the summer going into sophomore year, I ran over 800 miles and made the state travel team for the cross-country team that fall. To this day I run to not be just one of the best runners in the school, but also the state. From there my goals did not stop. Filmmaking has always been a hobby of mine but I was once again told that I could never go anywhere with it. Instead of giving up and believing what I was told I began to shoot video everyday and learning more about it by attending our school's T.V. club. By the end of junior year I submitted two videos to our statewide film festival placing 2nd and 3rd, becoming one of the top filmmakers in the state.
deathgoest
Well it was when I was entering high school, and after that I started going after goal after goal. I still have a couple goals I've completed to add. But thanks for the feedback, I'm going to try to make it more based on stuff I'm doing in the present right now
