claralw
Sep 22, 2011
Writing Feedback / The young slave boy - Freedom (narrative) [3]
Hi, I wrote this story for practice. Hope it is alright! The names of the characters are borrowed and are not of my own. The plot was also borrowed but written (or typed) from a different perspective by myself. It's a bit long, sorry about that!! I'm open to suggestions and comments to improve^^
He was a boy, a slave, with chocolate brown hair and lovely jade green eyes. There he stood before me, with a soulless stare tugged along by my master on a leash. No rights, no freedom, just an object whose life was not his own but that of his master, a pitiful slave.
"Maria, take care of him. If this one gets away, you should know what will happen to that throat of yours." Threatened my master with a sinister grin.
I was a maid of the household, tasked to tend to a young combat slave, Teito. Each morning, he would be driven off with my master to the combat slave camp, and each night he would return with a wound covered body. He had no will to run, which made my job easier. Strange it might seem, but watching how that young boy's soul was being crushed day by day, made me want to give him some freedom, some life into those empty eyes.
Slowly, I started spending more time with Teito, after tending to his wounds, I would sit by his bed until he fell asleep. I thought that it was the only thing I could do to prevent him from breaking. After a while, Teito too started opening up to me, knowing that I could not speak, he was very patient when I tried to get my ideas across.
Though I tried to give Teito some comfort from his life of fighting and killing, there was still a limit that I, a mere maid, could do. I who did not go through the same treatment as Teito, did not know how to comfort him when he cried out of loneliness and the guilt of killing. I did not know how he felt, killing his target which begged with eyes filled with terror upon looking at Teito, a young boy which would end the life of his unlucky target. I could not comprehend how Teito went to sleep each night with images of those last moments of each person he killed flashing through his mind.
One day, while tending to his wounds, Teito asked me a question, a question which I knew, I should not answer.
"Maria, what's a mother? I have never had one, everyone does, what is it?" Teito asked with the innocence of a child.
Brushing off is scar filled hand that grabbed my arm, I shook my head and exited the room. Somehow I felt that if I told him what a mother was, he would become unable to tolerate his life as a combat slave.
The next day, Teito broke. With a sudden resolve, Teito tried to run. Trying to escape from the guard, he turned and headed for the other exit. I had to stop him, not just for myself but for him as well. A slave would never be able to find a place in society, as long he carried that brand imprinted upon his lower right side of his back. As he leaped towards the door, I got in front of him and hugged him. As he struggled and kicked, he shouted "Let me go! I don't want this! I don't want to kill anymore!"
Shaking my head, I hugged him tighter.
"Well if you run, I'll just get fired. I can't say the same for Maria though. See that scar on her neck? That's what she got for letting the last slave run. She'll be killed if you run." Said the guard.
Suddenly, Teito stopped struggling, he collapsed onto the floor and started crying like a young child who lost his mother. Tears rolled down his small cheeks and with his mouth opened wide, he let out a childish scream.
Later that night after Teito calmed down, I patted his little head and walked towards the door when he shouted, "Maria! I'll become strong, then they'll let me enter military school. Then you'll be free right?"
"Ah, such a kind soul." I thought as I smiled and closed the door.
From that day, Teito stopped wavering. His resolve was strong as he carried out his missions and training flawlessly, becoming one of the best combat slave in his age group. Yet, he still showed the kindness of a priest, he brought back stones, leaves, anything that was outside the mansion that looked pretty. He believed that he was giving me a bit of freedom from the outside world.
"This stone shines in the moonlight!" He exclaimed as he passed yet another gift to me.
Four years had passed and Teito had finally got into military school. Wearing the black uniform, he held my hands and said, "I got into military school, now you are free!"
So he just needed a reason to continue his life of killing. He chose to free me. Teito, you are the one with wings, wings to fly into that vast sky. Holding up his hand I wrote, "On your back, there are wings. Fly where ever you want."
With one last hug, he left, for another chapter in his life.
Hi, I wrote this story for practice. Hope it is alright! The names of the characters are borrowed and are not of my own. The plot was also borrowed but written (or typed) from a different perspective by myself. It's a bit long, sorry about that!! I'm open to suggestions and comments to improve^^
He was a boy, a slave, with chocolate brown hair and lovely jade green eyes. There he stood before me, with a soulless stare tugged along by my master on a leash. No rights, no freedom, just an object whose life was not his own but that of his master, a pitiful slave.
"Maria, take care of him. If this one gets away, you should know what will happen to that throat of yours." Threatened my master with a sinister grin.
I was a maid of the household, tasked to tend to a young combat slave, Teito. Each morning, he would be driven off with my master to the combat slave camp, and each night he would return with a wound covered body. He had no will to run, which made my job easier. Strange it might seem, but watching how that young boy's soul was being crushed day by day, made me want to give him some freedom, some life into those empty eyes.
Slowly, I started spending more time with Teito, after tending to his wounds, I would sit by his bed until he fell asleep. I thought that it was the only thing I could do to prevent him from breaking. After a while, Teito too started opening up to me, knowing that I could not speak, he was very patient when I tried to get my ideas across.
Though I tried to give Teito some comfort from his life of fighting and killing, there was still a limit that I, a mere maid, could do. I who did not go through the same treatment as Teito, did not know how to comfort him when he cried out of loneliness and the guilt of killing. I did not know how he felt, killing his target which begged with eyes filled with terror upon looking at Teito, a young boy which would end the life of his unlucky target. I could not comprehend how Teito went to sleep each night with images of those last moments of each person he killed flashing through his mind.
One day, while tending to his wounds, Teito asked me a question, a question which I knew, I should not answer.
"Maria, what's a mother? I have never had one, everyone does, what is it?" Teito asked with the innocence of a child.
Brushing off is scar filled hand that grabbed my arm, I shook my head and exited the room. Somehow I felt that if I told him what a mother was, he would become unable to tolerate his life as a combat slave.
The next day, Teito broke. With a sudden resolve, Teito tried to run. Trying to escape from the guard, he turned and headed for the other exit. I had to stop him, not just for myself but for him as well. A slave would never be able to find a place in society, as long he carried that brand imprinted upon his lower right side of his back. As he leaped towards the door, I got in front of him and hugged him. As he struggled and kicked, he shouted "Let me go! I don't want this! I don't want to kill anymore!"
Shaking my head, I hugged him tighter.
"Well if you run, I'll just get fired. I can't say the same for Maria though. See that scar on her neck? That's what she got for letting the last slave run. She'll be killed if you run." Said the guard.
Suddenly, Teito stopped struggling, he collapsed onto the floor and started crying like a young child who lost his mother. Tears rolled down his small cheeks and with his mouth opened wide, he let out a childish scream.
Later that night after Teito calmed down, I patted his little head and walked towards the door when he shouted, "Maria! I'll become strong, then they'll let me enter military school. Then you'll be free right?"
"Ah, such a kind soul." I thought as I smiled and closed the door.
From that day, Teito stopped wavering. His resolve was strong as he carried out his missions and training flawlessly, becoming one of the best combat slave in his age group. Yet, he still showed the kindness of a priest, he brought back stones, leaves, anything that was outside the mansion that looked pretty. He believed that he was giving me a bit of freedom from the outside world.
"This stone shines in the moonlight!" He exclaimed as he passed yet another gift to me.
Four years had passed and Teito had finally got into military school. Wearing the black uniform, he held my hands and said, "I got into military school, now you are free!"
So he just needed a reason to continue his life of killing. He chose to free me. Teito, you are the one with wings, wings to fly into that vast sky. Holding up his hand I wrote, "On your back, there are wings. Fly where ever you want."
With one last hug, he left, for another chapter in his life.