Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1: US Electricity out put during 1970 & 1984 [4]

Hi,
That's what I see:

1. Always use paragraphs:
1) Introduction, where you MUST rephrase the name of the pie chart, but not copy it
2) 2-3 parargaphs, where you describe these pie charts. But don't just write the numbers, %, shares... Find the main tendencies and describe them. You don't need to analize every figure

3) Conclusion. In conclusion you should make a short overview of your 2nd, 3rd and (if you have) 4th paragraph. And you write " it is a well-known fact that ...". Well-known fact it's not a conclusion, it's just a fact. Your conclusion should emphasize the main tendencies of your pie charts, it should summarize everything what you've wrote above

2. Try to write in present tence not in past. You have info about somthng in the past, but you should describe pie charts/tendencies/lines/percents/ shares which you see now, in present. Read some analitical papers in Business Week, The Economist, WS Journal and you'll see. PRESENT TENCE!

3. In the tasks like this NEVER make the prediction. Nobody asks about the future and your opinion about it. Just DESCRIBE figures.

Good luck!
Mizu

Undergraduate / 'worked in a real estate investment trust' - Professional Achievement - 200 word [4]

Hey, Noob,

You know, when I see "Professional Achievement", I realize that it's something about results. It shouldn't be description about what you've done, it should be description about what you've done better than others could.

You write "I was motivated... I worked... I had to learn... " It's all about process! Write about results!
You've got bonus form the company. And now try to describe what for. For example, try to change "Without finance experience, I had to learn... and to read..." for something like "Thanks to my quick educability, even without finance experience I've mastered ... and made ...(results)".

If you change "I" for "You" in your essay, it will be description of somebodies duties. You don't need that!

Imagine, that 100 people worked with you on the same position and you should prove why you were the best. Everebody worked... But you were the best bacause...

Good luck!
Mizu

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1: US Electricity out put during 1970 & 1984 [4]

Hi,

the 1st one isn't connected with IELTS, it's just my experience of daily reading of analitical staff. I know it's better for good quality econ.magazines for example, but I don't know if it's better for IELTS

the 2nd one is my personal experience. I had 2 months of IELTS preperation courses and after my first 2-3 essay I've got the same comment: NEVER make the prediction! And a lot of info in internet also include something advices like "report without the use of opinion".

Anyway, I think that Cambridge IELTS is the best way to prepare and it can give the answers for all the questions. I have the last book, you can write me your e-mail, I'll send it to you.

Mizu