Writing Feedback / IELTS- letter of complaint: my dissatisfaction about the mobile phone [2]

For this letter, a list of the defectiveness of the mobile phone would be needed. This way, a point is made that it is the phone itself and not something you, as the consumer, did. It would help to introduce yourself instead of jumping straight into issue, that way it doesn't seem as informal. I understand the point of the letter, but it would to provide information for the manufacturer to know what will fix the problem, such as a way to receive the new product or any other compensation they're willing to provide. The best way to make your point is to be respectful, which you somewhat did. Even emphasizing on the lack of service from the seller would help the case and help provide more insight into the situation. Other than that, minor word usage can be easily fixed and the letter can turn out better than before:) Good luck!

Writing Feedback / About my first day in america and my longest and happiest day of life [4]

My first day in United State of America was the longest and happiest day of my life. America is like a dreamland, and my own piece of Heaven. Many of the immigrants from different countries come to America for freedom, some of them for palgar the other came here for a better life , works more technology??

I used to read a lot of books about old day America. I would daydream about cowboys in Texas. I read for hours about how they lived a simple life in the country side, all while spending their leisure time hunting for animals. very sample life in mooring haunting for animal on cave. In evening they would cook outside a BBQ boreal some animal in the moon light. I was so happy to get visiting with my own visa, with alongside my father and mother to America it was in September,. We were very happy so we spind spent the rest of the day planning or our vacations In for the summer to America.

I would recommend going over the essay review word usage and spelling, since there seems to be errors all around. It's not a bad essay at all, it just needs to be tweeked so that it is more understandable. It needs a sense of unity and should be written in the same tense. Also, maybe reorganize your ideas to make the story flow easier, by adding or taking away what does and doesn't make sense. It can be done, just have to work at it:)