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Posts by sushigurl
Joined: Oct 7, 2011
Last Post: Oct 11, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 3
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sushigurl   
Oct 7, 2011
Undergraduate / Cultural Diffusion: spirit and culture - Rutgers Essay [3]

Growing up as a second generation immigrant in this large melting pot, I wasam exposed to many different ethnicities and cultures.
This desire of mine to accustom my American friends with the Indian culture, then extended to an idea which would impact my community as a whole. My idea was to introduce Hindi, my native language, as a foreign language in my school district. First, I contacted the president of the Bridgewater-Raritan Board of Education president , Mr. Arvind Mathur, who also happened to be an Indian.

The general idea is great and good job on your achievement~ I think you should develop your conclusion though, seems weak still. I would also suggest that for more details, maybe explain the impact/affect of creating Hindi Now, positive feedback perhaps?
sushigurl   
Oct 9, 2011
Undergraduate / Jewelry Salesperson Extracurricular experience Common App essay [3]

For this prompt:
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

I would appreciate any comments, suggestions, editing :)

I wrestled with the locks of jewelry glass case as I fumbled to insert the key. As I pushed all the merchandise on top of the case off to the side, anxiety increased inside my stomach. Although the customer seemed to be waiting patiently, the reality was: within the minute or two, if the quality of the product or price didn't satisfy her expectations, the customer is gone and moved on to the next kiosk to purchase a similar or possibly the exact item. I tried to recall the resale price within the seconds I had, assuring that I did not inform them of a price too low to lose profit and yet, not a high bizarre price to intimidate them. While maintaining my posture in front of my first customer, I reiterated the description and details of the piece my mom taught me. I couldn't let my mom's business or expectation for me diminish with my first sale. The customer slowly reached towards her wallet to pull out her credit card. My experience as a jewelry salesperson emerged from then.

If I could, I wish to add more but I am at the limit... seems incomplete to me though
Thank you for help in advance!
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