Undergraduate / Common App essay: my reflection on the system of college admittance [3]

Hey guys im applying to northwestern engineering. This is just the personal statement. Thank you guys so much for reading this.
Pleae give me your thoughts on this essay. Is it a little arrogant. or risky?
thanks

As I stared at the pistachio colored government issued hat and the type-56 modified Ak-47 that was handed to me, I stood amongst a group of soldiers in Hainan Province's First Division Branch of the Chinese People's Armed Police Force.

Originally, I intended this essay to be a detailed account of how I overcame a problem, or how I adapted to a new environment, or how I would gain a new perspective in life, or how I volunteered in the first place as a show of a courageous act. Maybe I would have even used my interactions with the soldiers to juxtapose my life with theirs; and, write on how I became grateful for my life of luxury from then on. Then I would go on to gloat and exaggerate every detail, spice up the writing, and conclude with a revelation on my life and mysteriously interject a quote to signal the grand finale. I wrote about a dozen or so of these essays.

"Write in the active voice and don't rely on a thesaurus. Focus on one small incident and expand it into an essay. Be specific and vivid," "How to write the College Essay" handbook told me. But I have never liked formulas. It takes the excitement out of experiences. There is a façade of meaning to formulas but in the end, I would just be banking on someone else's work-there is no reward in that. Do I just rely on a determined ratio between story telling and reflection? I look at the personal statement and all I see from it is restrictions. Its façade gives me a chance to write about something true to myself, yet what if what is true for me is also true for others? Well, then my counselor would say it is cliché-ridden, and tell me to write about something else. Although the possibilities range from poems to cartoon drawings, in the end, the essay is part of an advertisement campaign to sell an end product: the student. A system in which innovation itself is part of the formula, what constitutes true innovation?

The fact is that I'm seventeen years old, whatever truths on life I hold will, according to a correlation between age and epiphanies, undoubtedly change.

"If they give you lined paper, write the other way." - Juan Ramón Jiménez

Undergraduate / Essay on Volunteering in Chinese National Guard, common app [7]

Hey guys, tell me your thoughts on this.
i really need some feedback.
thanks a lot!

As my eyes met the pistachio colored government issued hat and the type-56 modified Ak-47 that was handed to me, I stood amongst a group of enlisted soldiers in the Chinese Armed Police Force. I was officially part of the Hainan Province's First Division Branch of the Chinese People's Armed Police Force.

Three-kilometer mountain "jogs" with a fifteen-pound assault rifle, loaded ammunition, and a Kevlar-armored vest became the weekly event. Four-Hundred-meter obstacle runs and pushups in the sand became the daily routine. Punching techniques and the two-step over-the-shoulder throw replaced football drills. My bed, or lack thereof, consisted of a plank of wood covered with cotton sheets. "Real" mattresses were only rationed to officers of a certain rank. Instead of discussing the influences of Ndamukong Suh on the Detroit Lion's 4-3 defense with my football team, I studied, with my "comrades," the field tactics and maneuvers in response to mass riots.

Officially, I was a first-year cadet. To others, my nickname was "the American." But I gradually became part of the community. We did everything from training to growing eggplants together. However, what I valued the most from that summer was the interactions I had with the soldiers. Heated debates centered on the influences of Chairman Wen Jia Bao, while jokes played its part in lightening the mood. Although I was from a different reality, we shared a bond closer than that of friendship. When I stood side by side with them through the mud, the sweat, the tears, and the suffering I became part of something.

I experienced first hand the risks of their job, their duty. From forest fires to landslides to terrorist negotiation, the people rely on the Armed Police Force. These men, without thinking twice, stand by their truths. I glimpsed into their lives of loyalty, honor, and dedication.

During that summer, I peeked into the sense that extends beyond an individual. The meaning when someone stands for what they believe in; when someone pursues, to the fullest extent, the fulfillment of an idea, a promise. A bond that stretches between two nations, two realities, and two individuals has the power to connect humanity as a whole. That summer is a distant memory now as I prepare to enter into a whole new world of opportunities. But I will always carry with me what it means to believe and become part of something larger than myself.

Undergraduate / 'to stand by my decisions and promises' Common app: evaluate a significant experience [2]

As my eyes met the pistachio colored government issued hat and the type-56 modified Ak-47 that was handed to me, I stood amongst a group of enlisted soldiers in the Chinese Armed Police Force located in unit two of Hainan Province's First Division Branch.

I had to "jog" with a fifteen-pound assault rifle, loaded ammunition, and a Kevlar vest through the jungles of Hainan. Senior officers handed out push-ups as if they were giving out free brochures at the mall. Punching techniques and the two-step over-the-shoulder throw replaced football practice. I slept on a plank of wood. Mattresses were only rationed to officers of a certain rank. Instead of discussing the influences of Ndamukong Suh on the Detroit Lion's 4-3 defense with my football team, I studied, with my "comrades," crowd control maneuvers in response to mass riots. At night, under the dim circle of light that cloaked the participants, concerned soldiers justified their stance on Wen's economic policies, while others tended to their games of cards or mahjong.

Frequently, in return for tips on working through the military system, I told my roommates on the stories about American life. I developed landscapes for the stories and I left only their imaginations to fill in the colors and lines. They found my storytelling as fascinating as I with their military life. But, instead, I was provided with their details and was left to construct the overall scene myself.

During my two-month stay, I witnessed their level of dedication to their jobs. I observed the risks of the soldiers' life. The Armed Police force is equivalent to the American National Guard; and since flooding and riots were common in Hainan, our base constantly drilled in those situations. I never had the opportunity to go on an actual mission. But I knew that, without a doubt, these men would risk their neck for each other. They simply stood by their promises and never withdrew.

Their devotion to their country and to each other provided a glimpse into a link that is so familiar yet seemingly ungraspable to me. I respected and envied their perseverance. The meaning when someone stands, unyielding, for what they believe in; when someone pursues, to the fullest extent, the fulfillment of an idea, a promise. That bond had influenced me to become part of their community. I was motivated by their dedication to stand by my decisions and promises, accepting the responsibilities regardless of the consequences. It wasn't their choices that surprised me, but rather, it was the attitude in which they were carried out.

After returning to Pennsylvania that year, the entire summer was all but a distant memory. As I felt my hand reach for the doorknob to the house, in a preparatory motion, I stopped. Then as I walked forward again, twisting the knob, I anticipated myself returning, from just another day of training, into the dimly lit room, where the debaters held fast to their own beliefs without any sign of backing down.