Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2


'to stand by my decisions and promises' Common app: evaluate a significant experience


christopherpeng 3 / 4  
Oct 13, 2011   #1
As my eyes met the pistachio colored government issued hat and the type-56 modified Ak-47 that was handed to me, I stood amongst a group of enlisted soldiers in the Chinese Armed Police Force located in unit two of Hainan Province's First Division Branch.

I had to "jog" with a fifteen-pound assault rifle, loaded ammunition, and a Kevlar vest through the jungles of Hainan. Senior officers handed out push-ups as if they were giving out free brochures at the mall. Punching techniques and the two-step over-the-shoulder throw replaced football practice. I slept on a plank of wood. Mattresses were only rationed to officers of a certain rank. Instead of discussing the influences of Ndamukong Suh on the Detroit Lion's 4-3 defense with my football team, I studied, with my "comrades," crowd control maneuvers in response to mass riots. At night, under the dim circle of light that cloaked the participants, concerned soldiers justified their stance on Wen's economic policies, while others tended to their games of cards or mahjong.

Frequently, in return for tips on working through the military system, I told my roommates on the stories about American life. I developed landscapes for the stories and I left only their imaginations to fill in the colors and lines. They found my storytelling as fascinating as I with their military life. But, instead, I was provided with their details and was left to construct the overall scene myself.

During my two-month stay, I witnessed their level of dedication to their jobs. I observed the risks of the soldiers' life. The Armed Police force is equivalent to the American National Guard; and since flooding and riots were common in Hainan, our base constantly drilled in those situations. I never had the opportunity to go on an actual mission. But I knew that, without a doubt, these men would risk their neck for each other. They simply stood by their promises and never withdrew.

Their devotion to their country and to each other provided a glimpse into a link that is so familiar yet seemingly ungraspable to me. I respected and envied their perseverance. The meaning when someone stands, unyielding, for what they believe in; when someone pursues, to the fullest extent, the fulfillment of an idea, a promise. That bond had influenced me to become part of their community. I was motivated by their dedication to stand by my decisions and promises, accepting the responsibilities regardless of the consequences. It wasn't their choices that surprised me, but rather, it was the attitude in which they were carried out.

After returning to Pennsylvania that year, the entire summer was all but a distant memory. As I felt my hand reach for the doorknob to the house, in a preparatory motion, I stopped. Then as I walked forward again, twisting the knob, I anticipated myself returning, from just another day of training, into the dimly lit room, where the debaters held fast to their own beliefs without any sign of backing down.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Oct 13, 2011   #2
I really enjoyed reading your essay. You have excellent writing skills and a very philosophical writing style. I only came across the following sentences as a bit confusing to me;

They found my storytelling as fascinating as I am with their military life.But, instead, I was provided with their details and was left to construct the overall scene myself. --------- I dont get this point very clear.

The meaning when someone stands, unyielding, for what they believe in; when someone pursues, to the fullest extent, the fulfillment of an idea, a promise. ------------ I feel this has too many pauses that may distract the reader.

Well done and GOOD LUCK!!


Home / Undergraduate / 'to stand by my decisions and promises' Common app: evaluate a significant experience
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳