Undergraduate / 'my trip to Israel 2 years ago' -University of Florida College APP (meaningful event) [2]

Jenna -
I appreciate your experience (and have shared it myself, living in Israel) but there is nothing unique here - no way that this distinguishes you from other applicants to UF. If you want to be a gator, you need to talk about something that demonstrates how you would add value to the UF community.

If you want to tie in the experience at Massada, I'd suggest something along the lines of this: your strong identity with your ethnic group has led you to consider what it means to have membership in a wider community of multiple ethnicities.

lynda spiegel

Undergraduate / "I was fourteen and it was Christmastime" - Common App Expereince Essay [4]

Daniel -
This is very well written. I don't agree with Macy's about the topic, but I do agree that you need to tie this into why it was a significant experience. What did you learn about yourself? How did it shape your attitude about life and your future goals?

Undergraduate / "How Chick-Fil-A has impacted my life" -My Application Essay to University of Florida [4]

Macy - I agree with Yifan about the transitions and the need to focus on what you learned and how it will make you a contributor to the UF community.

Undergraduate / disability center - Common APP extracurricular Paragraph [3]

Winnie -
I'm going to be harsh to be helpful - this is over the top sentimental; more than a bit of a cliche. Try to ignore the sentimentality associated with autistic children and focus on what the experience taught you about how each person's limitations are only that - that everyone contributes, in his or her own way, to a community. How did Bobo and Raymond add to their environments? How did it inspire you?

If you want additional help, you can email me at lynda@essayexcellence.net

lynda spiegel

Undergraduate / "My Bond with Robotics" - Tufts University [2]

Minkyu -
Not too bad, but the question you ask at the beginning has an obvious answer (most people who know anything about engineering), and therefore, it's not worth asking. Try to tap into what fascinates you about robotics and write about that.

I worked with a student last year on her application to Columbia (she got in!) where she wrote about her fascination with tessalations. She started out describing herself lying on the floor of her bathroom as a child, mesmerized by the patterns of the tiles.

If you'd like additional help, please feel free to email me lynda@essayexcellence.net

lynda spiegel