Undergraduate / My family's struggle against PKD - Common App Essay! [3]

I think you might want to develop more about how your mother's disease AFFECT you. I see a lots of description about your mother's disease but not much for your internal development... you might want to work with that.

Also, Admission Officer see a lot essay about ILLNESS, DISEASE.. you might want it to be more personal..
Other than that, I think it is a well written essay.

Essays / 'to become an open minded person' - why BARNARD [2]

When sitting in a classroom felled filled? with independent minded women who are focused and highly ambitious encourages me to for full fill my dreams and not a lot of schools has such a devotion to empower women in their community. Run on

Do you mean "Sitting in a classroom filled with independent women who are focused and highly ambitious encourages me to for fill my dreams and not a lot of schools have such a devotion to empower women in their community.

Barnard is well known for theirits amazing programs that help women become successful in life. I would love the opportunity to be partas a part of a community that's felledfilled with intelligent and ambitious < I think you can say bright and motivated > women. Being in an environment where my peers and professors know me personally makes me feel the importance of being myself.

Nice essay!!