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Posts by tleeoh
Joined: Oct 14, 2011
Last Post: Oct 14, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 2
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tleeoh   
Oct 14, 2011
Undergraduate / My something = online store - UMCP essay (~300words) [2]

According to Henry David Thoreau, 'One is not born into the world to do everything, but to do something.' What is your something?

Almost everyone has clothes they don't wear. I am definitely a victim of the overcrowded closet. So, as a freshman in high school, I decided to free my closet of its passé commodities and set up an online store to sell my clothing.

Two weeks passed, and I sold nothing. No wonder! My prices were outrageously high. Thus, with each passing day, I learned the aspects of a successful online store by reading blogs, watching YouTube videos and asking others about their businesses. Whether it was a marketing strategy or advice about customer service, I applied everything I learned into my store. I managed to sell all of my items and gained a pleasing profit. However, I didn't want to stop; there was an excitement that came with running a business that I had never felt before. Now, in addition to secondhand items, I expanded my inventory to include items imported from Korea, Japan, and China. I discovered a promising niche in the market and now offer jewelry and stationary catered to a concentrated group of customers.

I've had customers from all over the world including Canada, England and Australia. It is amazing to see how interconnected our world is and even more exciting to discover new ways to reach individuals not within our scope. To celebrate this globalization, I give back by donating a percentage of my profits to international charities such as the Invisible Children and Hearts In Unity.

Just like my store has its niche, I have found my own. Running a small store with altruistic motivation is something I want to continue to do. In order to be successful, I pursue a career in business. I can utilize the skills I acquire to further my philanthropic enterprise while also fulfilling my career interests. With a mouse click, a simple transaction can be made and while my item finds a new home hundreds of miles away, I secure my home in the business world.
tleeoh   
Oct 14, 2011
Undergraduate / I love telling jokes! - CommonApp essay #1 [4]

You got an unique opening, but it takes me a few seconds to follow you thought at first because I didn't know the first line was a joke. May be you want to put line 2 as your first line. I also like how you described the situation that you were in. I can picture it in my head, so kudos to you!

Thank you guys :) I put both your advice into consideration and am making some changes.

And for anyone reading, I'm still open to advice on grammar, content, etc
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