Undergraduate / 'Where is Schumacher?' - MIT [6]

Pretty solid essay, includes humor - that's what admission offices look for (big plus). I really like your opening and ending sentences. But I can't help you grammar-wise. Good job.

Undergraduate / 'art and science, programming' - Common App short writing [8]

Hi!
Thanks for the input.


I was trying to say that the 'world of technology' controls my life.
Could you suggest a sentence that will do so?

JB

Undergraduate / 'art and science, programming' - Common App short writing [8]

I don't want you to write me one but suggest (to get me going).
I meant that I'm surrounded with technology in my environment. Basically, everything I do is done using computers, and that I cannot imagine my 'world' without technology.

Sorry if you are still having trouble understanding what I was trying to say in my original sentence.

Undergraduate / 'grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimers' - Apply Texas-Common App-Topic A [2]

My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimers when I was 7. At the time I had no idea what this entailed, but I loved her all the same. She loved and doted upon me but as we both grew older I began to realize that my grandma's mind was beginning to deteriorate. Alzheimers is more than just loosing losing memory, it's forgetting how to do things for yourself, loosing losing control of your body, and living without really being there. It was very hard on my grandfather and mom to have to watch and suffer through, they were brave and caring and loving till the day she died. I look up to and respect my mom and grandfather for their loving, caring and accepting hearts because the real victims in Alzheimers are the family members. My grandmother had the last 10 years of her life stolen from her, she didn't know what was happening or if anything was wrong, she showed no signs of pain, but as a family we all knew.

My grandmother was an amazing woman, she played with me in my playhouse and picked me up from school. She wrote countless letters to me as a child and loved me unconditionally. She taught me how to treat people with respect and care. She loved everyone that she came into contact with and lived each day to the fullest. Although my grandma was not given a long and healthy life, she remembered who her family was and cherished every moment she was given.

This past summer my grandma left this world to move onto her greater journey; she left memories and lessons I'll have forever. I am able to turn this heart wrenching journey into by something positive by spending time with Alzheimer patients in an Assisted Living Home. The majority of patients here don't have the close family that my grandmother had, therefore I am able to be a light in a dark place by caring for them.

My grandma taught me to love others and treat people with a kind heart. My grandmother may have been cheated from the rest of her life, but she taught me that a terrible situation can have a positive outcome. Because of her, I see the good in everything and never take moments for granted.

Undergraduate / 'art and science, programming' - Common App short writing [8]

I will make this an essay instead