Undergraduate / "I'm going to beat this" Common App, significant experience and it's influence on you [2]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you

"I'm going to beat this" he said, "I refuse to let this thing be the end of me." After that day, it seemed as if every day we noticed something new, and each day as it grew worse, I felt as if all I could see was a man not just dying, but deteriorating before my very eyes.

I will never forget the last day of my sophomore year when Mr. Mahon told us all to have a great summer-that he would see us next year. I remember him smiling as he said it, I noticed the hope and warmth that hadn't yet faded from his eyes, and I knew that the strength I saw in him that day would be an image that would never leave my memory.

Mr. Mahon is not the only part of La Plata High School that is gone now, nor is he the only person who has left an unforgettable impact on the Class of 2012. We lost Katie Murray too.

Just to describe Katie's personality makes me smile-she was unlike anyone else I have ever known. Her being absolutely radiated with a glow of happiness that was infectious. Her warmth grew on you in a matter of seconds and as it spread it seemed to shed light on every life that she touched. Katie was, simply, the perfect embodiment of life. I will never forget her laugh, her kindness, or the happiness she spread during her time in this world.

I have learned that it is hard to explain the impact a person has had on your life-it is something that, in my experience, appears stronger when that person is no longer with you. Hardly a moment passes where the impacts that Mr. Mahon and Katie left on me do not affect the decisions and choices I make today.

The strength I witnessed in the final months of Mr. Mahon's life continues to provide me with similar courage in many aspects of my own life-he inspired me to become a stronger person than I ever thought I could be, especially during Katie's death, to accept any challenge or obstacle that comes my way, and to have the confidence that I can achieve anything.

From Katie, I have learned to appreciate life and our time on Earth, to cherish every moment and make every attempt to leave a positive impact on the lives of others. The purple bracelet I wear in her memory reminds me every day to celebrate life-to live, learn, and experience for those who no longer can. It is impossible to know how long we will have on this earth to affect the lives of others, and so we must take every opportunity and chance we have to do so.

These two unforgettable people, I truly believe, have left powerful impacts on me that have morphed me into a better and stronger person-a person I could have never been without having them in my life.

ANY COMMENTS/CRITIQUE WOULD BE APPRECIATED! :)

Undergraduate / 'after Katie Murray passed away' - UNC Supplement - A time when you failed. [2]

Tell us about a time when you failed. What, if anything, did you learn?

I will never forget the day after Katie Murray passed away. It was only hours after learning the news of her death when I was forced to walk into my AP Government class-the class where 24 hours before Katie had sat beside me. To describe the feeling of emptiness I felt then, knowing Katie wasn't going to run into class just before the bell and slide in next to me, like she had always done, is nearly impossible. Looking around the class at Mr. Childers, with Mrs. Childers standing right by his side, I could see the emptiness of the classroom reflected on his face. I will never forget what they asked us to do that day. Instead of sitting in silence like we had all done in every other class, we wrote letters.

We wrote to Senators Barbara Mikulski, Ben Cardin, and to Representative Steny Hoyer. All we wanted was for the back roads of Charles County, specifically Oliver's Shop Road, to be changed, improved, and made safer to avoid the loss of another life. Especially because Katie wasn't the first, but was the fifth student from La Plata High School in four years to die from a fatal accident on Oliver's Shop Road.

In the letters we wrote we proposed for a shoulder to be added, asked for the road's treacherous curves to be straightened, and suggested that the speed limit be lowered. In addition, we requested that back roads be given equal priority for treatment before inclement weather, explaining that maybe if the road had been salted the ice patch Katie slid on would have never formed, if there was a shoulder she wouldn't of rolled into the ditch she did, and if the curves weren't so tight perhaps her car wouldn't have flipped.

I don't think I have ever put such passion or emotion on paper before as I did in that letter. All 21 letters were sent to each Congressman-a total of 63 letters altogether. Not a single reply was sent back.

When I finally realized that we were not going to receive a response from our congressmen, the men and women whom I believed had the power to make this change, I was disappointed, upset, and disheartened. I felt as if we had failed in trying to make a change in Katie's memory-that our letters weren't persuasive or powerful enough to initiate action in any of our leaders. It took me until very recently to realize this wasn't true, to realize that we had succeeded. We had taken the initiative to change something we were passionate about, even if Oliver's Shop has remained the same. I know that I cannot change everything, but I can change something-and I will make every attempt to do so in Katie's memory.

ANY FEEDBACK OR THOUGHTS ARE APPRECIATED! :)