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Posts by Dman00033
Joined: Oct 19, 2011
Last Post: Oct 20, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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Dman00033   
Oct 19, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Coming from a privileged suburban family' - UW-Madison Statement [5]

Here is my essay I am writing to Madison
Prompt: Tell us about your academic goals, circumstances that may have had an impact on your academic performance, and, in general, anything else you would like us to know in making an admission decision.

Coming from a privileged suburban family, the biggest problem I faced as a child was simply changing schools and developing new relationships. I was blessed with two loving parents who were able to care for me and, as good parents should, always wanted the best for their son. They taught me many lessons as I grew up and they allowed their son more independence; however one lesson always stuck in my head. They told me I should never settle. I should always strive to be the best student, sibling, and person that I can be.

Keeping this lesson in mind as I entered high school, I knew I had to push myself to my limits to be the best person I could be. A person truly cannot grow and mature unless they are faced head on with adversity and overcome it. To constantly push myself, I did my best to stay involved outside of school while continuing to excel in my studies. Throughout all four years at my high school I was activity involved in three or more sports during a calendar year, as well as other clubs and volunteer work. There were few times I was ever able to come home from school without having an afterschool activity. Although I had little free time during my years at school, I have absolutely no regrets about my involvement in and out of school. Not only did all of my activities keep my life eventful, they also allowed me to develop excellent skills with time management and prioritizing. These skills, along with many others I learned, will only benefit me as I move forward in life.

My goal, if I am able to attend the University of Wisconsin-Madison, would be to be admitted and graduate from the Wisconsin School of Business. Since a young age mathematics has always been my passion. I also find many things dealing with stocks and the economy extremely interesting. Therefore, a major in the business school would be a perfect fit for me. I have been faced with many challenges throughout my high school career and have faced with determination and a positive attitude. I believe that I am in control of my success and as I remain committed to furthering my education I will, without a doubt, succeed.

(381 words)

I was wondering what anybody thinks and how I can improve/alter my statement.
Thank you
Dman00033   
Oct 19, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Coming from a privileged suburban family' - UW-Madison Statement [5]

Thanks for the changes

Also, I altered the intro slightly:
As a child, I was blessed. The biggest problem I faced as a child was simply changing schools and developing new relationships. I had with two loving parents to take care of me and, as good parents should, always wanted the best for their son.
Dman00033   
Oct 20, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'Afraid of murders all my life' - Essay about my fear [3]

It does come on a little strong, but if it is you I would leave the main message as it is.

My main suggestion would to expand on your last sentence, how even though you fear murder, you still maintain a positive outlook on your upcoming days
Dman00033   
Oct 20, 2011
Undergraduate / Mr. Pulley - Which of your current or previous teachers do you admire most, and why? [3]

Everything about this man makes me admire him, even to this day.

Even to this day, I admire everything about this man.

an objective in mind

I would expand on what his overall objective was. His goal

If you do not have a word limit, I would further expand. Maybe add specific examples about things you admired about him
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