Undergraduate / 'Our world is failing the future' - International Issue of Personal Concern [4]

Every great dream arises from a single, profound thought. My thought took root at age eight when I first witnessed a child begging: Why?

That thought led me over 8,000 miles of jetlag and unpalatable airplane chow to the bustling planes of Siruvani, India. I was on a quest to understand and assist the children of this world who, for some reason, could never live as I did; I had traveled halfway across the world to teach impoverished children with the hope that, in return, they would help me comprehend.

But my students were wary. They were hesitant to approach their new English "Ma'am". To them I was a foreigner; someone with a fairytale life. They knew. They knew I would never wholly understand.

Yet how could I? With my privileged life of iPhones and shopping sprees, how could I ever comprehend the implications of tattered uniforms and calloused feet; of books blackened by government censorship? How would I understand a life of hardship; a life of shattered dreams; the only life they had ever known?

I couldn't. But I could reveal to them the only life I had ever known. Every day we munched on various toffees, ranging from Choco-Rockos to jalebis, and played hangman until our stomachs ached from a dangerous overload of sugar and laughter.

I had, unknowingly, found the quickest path to their little hearts and, in time, they confided in me.

They spoke to me.

They spoke of dreams.

Ten year old Karate superstar, Kowsik, wishes to become a police officer that "arrests rowdies"-just like they do in the movies. And little Soumya aspires of becoming a doctor who "cures for free". Brainiac Nivedha wants to "spread good values" through teaching, and class-clown Shyam just yearns to "drive".

Each student of mine yearned of leaving a unique stamp on this world-of changing it for the better. In a way, we were one in the same. And in many more ways, they were so much greater. But, for one morally insignificant reason, they were less.

Resources.

Kowsik could never afford police academy and Soumya can barely meet Om Shakti's tuition. Pradeepan can't even puchase his own uniform.

They all have dreams. They all have boundless potential. But our world is failing them. Our world is failing, with alarming regularity, to facilitate these kids' dreams.

Our world is debilitating its own future.

Every child dreams of reaching the stars. Before Siruvani, I dreamt of understanding why not all kids could. Now, I dream of creating an environment where all children can not only dream of reaching the stars, but grab those little suckers too.

Thank you so much for the advice! Could you help me with making the "Each student of mine" paragraph a bit more clear, I'm a bit lost on how to do that without diluting the message of that paragraph.

Also, do you believe I am answering the prompt well? I've been a bit worried that my attachment to this issue might have led me off on tangents.

Undergraduate / Evaluate a risk you have taken (asking a girl to a dance): CommonApp Prompt [7]

I like your essay! I can relate to it so much :D.

And not to quote the most hated line, but you need to "show, not tell" a bit more. The basic constructs for the essay are good, you just need to put a part of you inside.

Also, I think the intro and conclusion could be made more concrete.

Undergraduate / 'Special Friends program' - Common App- Extracurricular Activity [2]

This is extremely well-put together and powerful but I think your intro could be made a little bit more interesting. The rest of the short answer is solid, but the intro is lacking in the voice that fills the rest of the response.