Every great dream arises from the force of a single, profound thought. My thought took root at age eight when I, for the first time, witnessed a child begging: Why?
Ten years later, I finally set foot in Siruvani, India. From my initial thought there had flowered a grand quest to understand and assist the children of this world, who for some reason, could not live as I did. I was to teach the children of rural India, and in return I could attempt to comprehend.
But how could I? With my privileged life of iPhones and shopping sprees, how could I even comprehend the implications of tattered uniforms and calloused feet; of books blackened by government censorship? How would I ever understand a life of hardship; a life of shattered dreams; the only life they had ever known?
I couldn't. But I could reveal to them the only life I had ever known. Every day we munched on various confectionaries, ranging from Choco-Rockos to jalebis, and played hangman until our stomachs ached from a dangerous overload of sugar and laughter.
I had unknowingly found the quickest path to their little hearts.
The children soon realized that I left behind my developed nation oasis-that I chose to venture into the humid contours of Siruvani. They saw I only wished to help.
They spoke to me.
They spoke of dreams.
Ten year old Karate superstar, Kowsik, wishes to become a police officer that "arrests rowdies"-just like they do in the movies. And little Soumya aspires of becoming a doctor who "cures for free". Brainiac Nivedha wants to "spread good values" through teaching, and class-clown Shyam just yearns to "drive".
Each student of mine yearned of leaving a unique stamp on this world-of changing it for the better. In a way, we were one in the same. And in many more ways, they were so much greater. But, for one morally insignificant reason, they were less. Resources.
Kowsik could never afford police academy and Soumya can barely meet Om Shakti's tuition. Pradeepan can't even pay for his own uniform.
They all have dreams. They all have boundless potential. But our world is failing them.
Our world is failing to look past petty political rivalries and take notice of these children. Our world is failing, with alarming regularity, to facilitate dreams.
Our world is failing the future.
Every child dreams of reaching the stars. Before Siruvani, I dreamed of understanding why not all attained them. Now, I dream of creating an environment where all children are rendered capable of grabbing those shimmering stars too.
Any and all criticism/advice is appreciated! I'm doubling this for my Georgetown EA app as well o.O
Every great dream arises frombegins withthe force of a single, profound thought. My thought took its root at the age of eight when I, for the first time,witnessedsaw a child begging for the first time in my life : Why?
Ten years later, I finally set foot in Siruvani, India. Fromwheremy initialI had this thought thereconceived.had flowered a grand questThere onwards I struggled to understand and assist thesuch unpriviledged children of this world,(no comma) who, for some reason, could not live as I didwere deprived of having a childhood as mine . I was(or wanted to??) to teach the children of rural India, and in returnthe hope ofI could attempt to comprehendavailing an opportunity to understand this social disparity.
I really like the essay but there are just a few vague parts. The introduction could have a sentence or two more saying where you went. I was kinda confused when you just saidd you were to teach in rural India. You might want to use a better word than confectionaries; it's a bit of a mouthful and comes across as unnecessarily large a word. The paragraph beginning with "each student of mine" needs to be clarified. Im referring to the last two sentences before resources; I understand the point you're trying to convey but the language is not specific enough. In the sentence "our world is failing" the mention of petty political rivalries comes out of the blue and seems like a forced example because nowhere else in your essay do you discuss anything about political rivalries. I am from India too and understand the debilitating corruption you are referring to but the main point seems to be our inability to fulfill dreams rather than "petty political rivalries". Lastly, the middle sentence of the conclusion could be clarified as well. I think you are referring back to dreams with the pronoun "them" but it's vague in the sentence.
Hope the feedback helps and good luck on your applications!
Every great dream arises from a single, profound thought. My thought took root at age eight when I first witnessed a child begging: Why?
That thought led me over 8,000 miles of jetlag and unpalatable airplane chow to the bustling planes of Siruvani, India. I was on a quest to understand and assist the children of this world who, for some reason, could never live as I did; I had traveled halfway across the world to teach impoverished children with the hope that, in return, they would help me comprehend.
But my students were wary. They were hesitant to approach their new English "Ma'am". To them I was a foreigner; someone with a fairytale life. They knew. They knew I would never wholly understand.
Yet how could I? With my privileged life of iPhones and shopping sprees, how could I ever comprehend the implications of tattered uniforms and calloused feet; of books blackened by government censorship? How would I understand a life of hardship; a life of shattered dreams; the only life they had ever known?
I couldn't. But I could reveal to them the only life I had ever known. Every day we munched on various toffees, ranging from Choco-Rockos to jalebis, and played hangman until our stomachs ached from a dangerous overload of sugar and laughter.
I had, unknowingly, found the quickest path to their little hearts and, in time, they confided in me.
They spoke to me.
They spoke of dreams.
Ten year old Karate superstar, Kowsik, wishes to become a police officer that "arrests rowdies"-just like they do in the movies. And little Soumya aspires of becoming a doctor who "cures for free". Brainiac Nivedha wants to "spread good values" through teaching, and class-clown Shyam just yearns to "drive".
Each student of mine yearned of leaving a unique stamp on this world-of changing it for the better. In a way, we were one in the same. And in many more ways, they were so much greater. But, for one morally insignificant reason, they were less.
Resources.
Kowsik could never afford police academy and Soumya can barely meet Om Shakti's tuition. Pradeepan can't even puchase his own uniform.
They all have dreams. They all have boundless potential. But our world is failing them. Our world is failing, with alarming regularity, to facilitate these kids' dreams.
Our world is debilitating its own future.
Every child dreams of reaching the stars. Before Siruvani, I dreamt of understanding why not all kids could. Now, I dream of creating an environment where all children can not only dream of reaching the stars, but grab those little suckers too.
Thank you so much for the advice! Could you help me with making the "Each student of mine" paragraph a bit more clear, I'm a bit lost on how to do that without diluting the message of that paragraph.
Also, do you believe I am answering the prompt well? I've been a bit worried that my attachment to this issue might have led me off on tangents.
