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Posts by bayshark
Joined: Oct 31, 2011
Last Post: Nov 19, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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bayshark   
Oct 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'becoming a scientist' - UC Biology Major-TRANSFER PERSONAL STATEMENT [2]

What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

The year 1995 signifies a harsh, tragic loss for my parents, me and the rest of our family. After fighting through the majority of the year, my nine year old brother lost his battle in September, a week shy of his tenth birthday, to a brain tumor. At the time I was only five years old and the loss hit me like a ton of bricks as I'm sure it would anyone. Being so young, I am surprised by how much of the memory I can still recall in pristine detail. The moment I decided what I wanted to be when I 'grew up' did not occur in any spectacular, awe-inspiring, or grand fashion. I'm not sure there was even an exact moment to begin with; the goal just seemed to arise as I realized how helpless I had been through my brother's struggle. He was my role model, one of the heroes of my childhood, and the noble traits he possessed are ones that I value dearly and strive to attain daily even now. His life had been in the hands of the surgeons, which was a lot of pressure; I realized I wanted that pressure for myself and wanted my efforts to be a deciding factor in the life of a child. I also understood that no matter how well trained they were, there were certain things which could not be controlled. They were "the best" according to my mother, and I always felt a bit more at ease knowing that she had trusted their hands operating on her son. I decided I wanted to be the best and learn what it was that couldn't be controlled, and how to control it. I felt that if I could prevent the grief that struck my family, from being inflicted upon anyone else, my purpose would be fulfilled. Thus began my pursuit of an MD-PhD program, although I certainly did not know how to put it in the correct terms as a child.

Throughout elementary school I did well and felt that this goal of reaching medical school and becoming a scientist who would contribute to cancer research was attainable. Through middle school I lost that train of thought, and I began to feel as if I was incapable of accomplishing that goal of mine. This goal began to fade and nearly disappeared in high school as school became second priority and going to college was something I was no longer sold on. Frustration built up, and not knowing who to talk to, I learned to handle it through my faith, volunteer activities, and sports. For my parents' sake I went to a community college but struggled to motivate myself because I was confused at what I wanted to make out of my life and fought constantly with an amiss idea I could never reach that childhood goal. I was ashamed at what my academic career had become after beginning in such a promising manner and I longed for a second chance. Around this time an opportunity to attend Oral Roberts University opened up and I took it; giving myself one last run at discovering what I was truly passionate about. After one semester of Biology and Chemistry courses, I realized my passion was with science and with people. This lead me to applying for and being accepted into a summer research program funded by TABERC (Tulsa Area Bioscience Education and Research Consortium) at the Oklahoma State University Center for Health Sciences in the lab of Dr. Kathleen Curtis. Through this experience I acquired an intense passion for research and realized a new goal of pursuing an MD-PhD program; a career that embodies the dreams of my childhood. Although there is no excuse for poor academic performance, I can only attribute those years to a time I found myself directionless and in pursuit of nothing meaningful. I know now what I want to become, or at least have come to realize it once more.
bayshark   
Nov 19, 2011
Undergraduate / John "The Beast" Cena influenced me - my college application [2]

"There have beenI know many people whothat have influenced me in my life , but none more so thanthere is someone that I know so well who influenced me more than any one and his name is John "The Beast" Cena. Cena is someone I know very well and happens to be a doctor on the Medical Channel; he works at Wall Street's hospital in New York . He inspired me to become a doctor, when I first watched him at age five. John "The Beast" Cena in my opinion is the best doctor ever.At age fifteen I met John "The Beast" Cena on October 29, 2008 onin Wall Street in New York when I was fifteen years old . He inspired me to become a doctor when I first watched him at age five; in my opinion, he is the best doctor in the country in his particular area of medicine.The hospital he works in is called Wall Street's Hospital.

Cena told me that Wall Street's Hospital is the biggest hospital in New York. He showed me around in the hospital. For instance,H e showedexplained to me what'shis different responsibilities were at his position, one of the most important being caring for ill patients and giving them proper care and treatmenthis responsibility at his position, which is to give the sick people medical treatment. Cena also showed me the equipments that theis used at the hospital to provide various treatments for patientsthe hospital uses to make the patients better.and introduced me to the colleagues he works with daily.He introduced me to his partners that worked with him.Throughout the day he expressed how important his colleagues were to him and how well they each worked together. He recounted stories from the past ten years about different lives he had helped save and encouraged me by communicating his hopes of me becoming a doctor in the future.He told me, "My partners are very effective with me, they work hard with me every day that I work, we communicate well. Without them I wouldn't be as successful as I am today." Then he showed me a room where there are of list of names that he saved their lives. There were 20 names within the past 10 years. He told me in 10 or so years, hopefully you will become a doctor like I am.

John "The Beast" Cena not only influenced me but he inspired me to become a doctor. It is ahard and longlong and difficult process but I am willing tocan take the challenge. That is why I want to become a doctor.

The red represents words/sentences that I added, those that are crossed out are letters/words/sentences that you originally wrote which I felt were unnecessary.

These are just a few suggestions. Personally, I think you should re-write the entire essay and focus less on Cena and elaborate more on what becoming a doctor would mean to you at a deeper level. Good luck!
bayshark   
Nov 19, 2011
Undergraduate / having my summer research presented in China-UC Prompt 2 [2]

This is a very rough draft and I'd appreciate any suggestions for improvement or any feedback whatsoever. Thanks!

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

This past summer I researched in a lab at the Oklahoma State Center for Health Sciences. It was undoubtedly the most rewarding and beneficial experience I've had the opportunity of participating in. Through this opportunity I developed a deep respect and adoration for research. Being amongst peers that were just as passionate, if not more so, about science and learning was especially encouraging and helped create the nourishing environment that was the lab. My project was so successful in the eyes of my lab mentor that she decided to present some of our findings at a conference in China! Ironically, when I first found out about the internship I was discouraged from applying by some professors and peers of mine; they felt that there was no point in applying, often reasoning that because of my lack of experience I would never be accepted. I knew most of them did not have cruel intentions, but I felt that there was no way I wasn't going to apply; this was the chance I was looking for. Receiving that e-mail notifying me of my acceptance into the program felt like all of the doubts, stress and frustration surrounding my academic potential had been lifted off of my shoulders. I was especially proud knowing that staying disciplined and working hard had given me a position in the lab, and allowed me to be successful in that setting as well. This experience instilled in me a sense of confidence, giving me further incentive to pursue a career in both research and medicine.
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