Undergraduate / UC Prompt 1, My life at a boarding school [6]

Hi,
Here is my response, any advise is appreciated.

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

A tear trickled down my face knowing that my parents will soon fly back to the U.S, leaving me and my brother behind to get an education at Colonel Brown Cambridge School. I remembered going to school every day and coming back to my family. However this was different; I would not see my parents for the next two years. Before coming to India, I had never heard of a boarding school, so I did not know what to expect.

The first few days were tough; it was hard for me to make friends given the fact that I knew very little Hindi. Things were different; the thought of staying in school 24/7 was frightening and there were specific times to do specific things. Despite all these negative facts, there were positive things that I did not recognize then and there. It took me more than three years to identify those things.

During those years I changed into a whole new person. The whole school would wake up at five in the morning for physical training, which helped tone our physical and mental strength. It was mandatory for students to participate in all sports and extra-curricular activities, giving me a better sense of the world beyond academics. I became more independent, taking care of myself and my belongings. I learned to take responsibility for my own actions. I had also taken the responsibility of my younger brother, helping him and giving him support.

My life at Colonel Brown Cambridge motivated me to get a good education and become independent in life. The things I learned there provided me with the tools I need to excel in an arduous environment, much like the University of California. An education from a University of California will help me reach my goal of independence.

Through the back of the car I looked on as the school gates got farther and farther away, at that time I treasured the memories and values linked to the school. Half of me wanted to stay, while the other half yearned to unite with the family. I first walked through the gate as a child who depended on his family. After about three years, I left the school as a whole new person, a new Gagandeep who was independent.

Undergraduate / Each country has taught me things - UC Prompt 2 Three Cultures [3]

Hello,
Thank you Gloria for helping me with my first prompt, can you also read this and tell me what I need to improve on??

Prompt 2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Being exposed to different cultures changes a person's view of the world and its inhabitants. I have had the opportunity to experience life in India; a country rich in culture and tradition, in the Philippines; a country consisting of hundreds of islands, and in the United States of America; a country that gives everyone the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. My experiences in each of these countries have a hand in creating the person I am today. Due to the exposure of cultures in different parts of the world, I developed a mentality that accepted even the most unusual of things. The love for my Punjabi culture and religion also grew.

Each country has taught me things that I have cherished till now. I began studying in the Philippines at the age of five, so I did not recall a lot of memories. A visit to the Philippines two years ago refreshed those memories. I had forgotten the Filipino culture, a culture that has blended well in our Punjabi family. I experienced my first years of education there, and have not forgotten the fundamentals my teachers taught me.

In Punjab, I saw how the farmers took pride in what they do and since then I have taken pride in everything I do, whether it is a small project in ceramics or something crucial like this personal statement. I started to take an interest in my own religion, Sikhism. My increased interest in Sikhism led me to do volunteer work in the Hayward Sikh Temple. I had the opportunity of studying at Colonel Brown Cambridge School, a boarding school in Dehradun, India, with students from all over India, and I made the most out of it. I began to appreciate the diversity and clearly saw the differences in each of the cultures. Instead of holding on to my own culture, I opened my mind sorting all the information according to the differences and similarities of each culture. After spending a few years in India I came back to the West with more knowledge of the East.

Living in these countries made me who I am today. It was hard for me to make friends each time I moved, but the friends I made will always have a place in my heart. I consider myself lucky-I have been exposed to many different cultures and religions from three totally different parts of the world. I can proudly call myself an Indian born in the Philippines with a United States citizenship.

Thanks