Undergraduate / 'more than make me the M.V.P. of the game' [6]

Hey this is an interesting essay.

A couple of things. Make sure never to start a sentence with and (And in the game of basketball, a good defense leads to a good offense.).

Also, you switch tenses in this sentence going from past tense to present tense. (After this game, I never see anything as impossible because I know if I put my mind to it and if I put one-hundred percent, I can conquer anything.)

Hope that helps!

Cassie

Undergraduate / 'Cross country, to make the best out of it' - University of California prompt 2 [6]

I felt proud that I didn't give up even though the situation wasn't in my favor. If I tried I had at least (percent)-this sounds awkward of succeeding, but if i gave up then the percentage of succeeding would be 0. {I learned from Cross Country that even when all odds are against me, I'll just have to cope with it.}-(this sentence changes tenses from past to present) To produce the best results so that in the future I won't regret on that day when I came in after the two runners. This is reality, the odds are always against me, I'll just have to make the best out of it.

-Writer of "How to Write a Research Paper in Three Hours or Less"

Writing Feedback / IELTS should be a law to control violence in tv? [5]

Another way to avoid seeing violence on TV is to read a good book and to turn off the TV for a while. If no one looked at violent programs, soon this problem will disappear.

Undergraduate / 'My family puts me as their first priority' - UC PROMPT 1 [9]

This was very good. A few things needed to be plural.

As a result, every time I changed schools , I saw great improvements in my English.

Having seen the fruit of what many people had contributed to my improvement, my dreams began to form.

Cassie Scheidies

Undergraduate / "What makes you, you." - Help on how to begin an essay [3]

A good place to start would be a humorous story about yourself reflecting something unique about yourself. For instance, I sometimes discuss a funny story about a canoe trip that I took. This will help catch the reader's attention and set you apart.

Cassie Scheidies

Undergraduate / 'My culture is disappearing' - UC Prompt #1. Too risky of an essay? [7]

This is a phenomenal piece of writing. I think it answers the prompt perfectly. This was my favorite sentence

"I could look into the mirror with my eyes opened wide and be a caricature of western beauty, a personification of a cultural clash." It may be a little risky but I think that's what makes this piece unique.

Cassie Scheidies