Undergraduate / FU Essay - Significant experience/Achievement - Revisions Needed [3]

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

It was the day I held that first trophy above my head when I realized who I wanted to be and what I really wanted to do with my life. In the summer of 2001, at the age of eleven, I won my first tennis tournament and it was only the second one I ever competed in. But from the results of the Niketown Junior Tennis Challenge, I was their Boys' 12 Singles Champion. That was the summer I discovered what I wanted to pursue myself in and to become the best I could possibly be in this sport.

After my accomplishment in the tournament, my parents had no trouble in funding my necessities for the sport I love, including lessons, rackets, and their own time and care for me. They signed me up for lessons and court time at the National Tennis Center in Flushing Meadows, Queens that following winter when conditions outside were too extreme to play in. The next summer at the age of thirteen, I tried out and successfully made the New York Junior Tennis League also known as NYJTL. To this day I am still part of this league, playing at many winter sites and sponsored tournaments.

Over the years I continued to train and compete in the sport, facing many hardships such as injuries. Most of these injuries were repeated offenses: pulling muscles such as hamstrings and spraining ankles as a result of not properly stretching or not watching my feet and spraining my ankles. I was tremendously determined to keep on working hard in improving my skills in my passion. I didn't let anyone or anything get in my way or bring me down after an embarrassing defeat or an off day, which sometimes turned into an off week.

Now as I begin my senior year, my fourth and final year at St. Francis Prep, I am well satisfied where I stand in terms of tennis in my school and can only hope to pursue college tennis this following year. These past four years on the St. Francis Prep tennis team have been amazing. It has been competitive and at the same time enjoyable to the fullest extent. As I look back once again, I come to realize the importance of that tournament. It was indeed the spark to the fire I have lit inside of me. And now, I am looking forward to continue my educational and tennis career as well as being a student at Fordham University this following year.

Am I on the right track and is this ready to be sent in?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Undergraduate / Why we should offer that space to you - Buffalo [Revisions Needed] [2]

Prompt: Why we should offer that space to you. Consider, for example how your extracurricular activities in high school and in your community have shaped you, what you have learned from those experiences, and how you will use those experiences to contribute to UB's campus community. [300-500 words]

Over the course of four years, the activities that I have taken part in helped shape me into the person I am today: someone who understands and is able to communicate well with others. Some of the activities I enjoy taking part in range from the Polish Club to the Boys Varsity Tennis Team. What I feel is the most important activity I take part in is volunteering in the elementary school across the street.

Every week I go over to the public school, P.S. 4, to help out with special needs children. I am what they call a "big brother" to the kids at the school. I remember going over there for the first time and once I stepped foot inside their classroom the children's faces lit up and were ecstatic to see me. That same day when I was assigned a little brother he was astonished that he got paired up with me. I feel that I have a great amount of responsibility resting on my shoulder since I have a "little brother" who looks up to me and watches everything I say or do.

For the past two years I have been the trip planner for the Polish Club. I have organized trips ranging from dinner at authentic polish restaurants to the yearly Pulaski Day Parade, which takes place each October. Since this year we have gained a lot of new members whom mostly are freshman. I have proposed and the idea passed of us having our own little float in next year's parade, but sadly I won't be attending prep anymore.

The one thing that I am going to miss most when graduating is the Boy's Varsity Tennis Team. This team has had the biggest influence on me and by far. I joined this the team as a walk-on freshman year of high school because of the talent I possessed and still have in this sport. During my freshman year, I was quite nervous since the majority of the team consisted of upperclassmen and we had plans on making it far that year. And we did, we ended up making it all the way to the finals of our league, which was the first time in many years. I realized soon after a few practices and games that there was no need to be nervous because the players were so comical that there was never a dull moment on the court. The players on the team were the greatest bunch of characters I have ever had the pleasure of playing with and being apart of. After the upperclassmen had moved on to college, we made sure that we come back and take the title home with us which we succeeded for the following two years. And this year we are looking for our third consecutive championship win.

As I look back at what I have done in my past three years of high school, I feel that I would be a great candidate in terms of my extracurricular activities. These activities helped shape me as a person in a well-rounded way, it causes me to be more social active and involved in the community. I would definitely influence UB's campus community by volunteering around the campus and actively taking part of the school tennis team.

I have 551 words. I cannot surpass 500. What should I cut out?
Help will be greatly appreciated!
Thanks