Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by puddles3
Joined: Nov 23, 2011
Last Post: Nov 23, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 5  

Displayed posts: 6
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puddles3   
Nov 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'An Unwelcome Routine' - personal quality/Common App [16]

I don't find your essay to be off topic, but I do find it to be a bit a choppy. I think you should consolidate some of your sentences and vary your sentence structure. Otherwise, it's a great idea and I understand what you're trying to get across.
puddles3   
Nov 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'An Unwelcome Routine' - personal quality/Common App [16]

no problem! and sorry, by "choppy" I just mean the sentences need to flow into each other better. basically, i just meant that you should vary your sentence structure
puddles3   
Nov 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'many different activities' +'Indian girl living in America' UPenn Introduce Yourself [5]

I have written 2 responses for the UPenn Introduce Yourself optional essay! It can only be 150 words. Please let me know what idea you like better. Thank you!

Option 1:
If I continued to play the piano, maybe I would be like Beethoven? If I only focused on tennis, maybe I would be like Serena Williams? If I continued taking French lessons, maybe I would be fluent? I use to wish that my parents had pushed me into one field of interest, instead of allowing me to try an abundance of activities. My parents never thought once to stop me from constantly changing my endeavors. Looking back at all the things that I have tried, failed, and completed, I realized that I am lucky to have been able to try so many different activities. My parents allowed me to gain a general knowledge of everything, forcing me to seek out my true passion on my own. By being able to experience various activities and passions, I have been able to come to a better understanding of myself and my abilities.

Option 2:

As a young Indian girl living in America, I walk a fine line between the culture and customs that have been instilled in me by my parents and the other cultures and customs that surround me. Living in an American society has forced me to adapt to parts of the American culture, without losing my traditional Indian roots. However my British heritage is just as important in my life as my Indian and American culture is. My immediate family lives in London, which has forced my family to adapt to British customs. I have learned to adapt to the environment around me, and understand the mannerisms and particular behaviors of people of other cultures and ethnicities. As a well-traveled Indian-American, with a mixture of British and American culture, I believe that I am a worldly person who can understand the different perspectives and mind-sets of people.
puddles3   
Nov 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'My cousin, Trent' - ApplyTexas Significant Influence [15]

I really like this, and the ending shows how it impacted you because you decided to just be yourself and no longer try to impress him. Maybe you should write a little more about the impact on you, because we get a sense of it from the ending.
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