Undergraduate / The Indian society, help with prompt #1.... [4]

This is for the prompt #1 in the UC application...It is about describing the world you come from.

Here is my essay:

In the summer of 2007, I visited India to tour around my birthplace and visit my family. I was thrilled to meet all my relatives and visit my old school. I visited all my old teachers and classrooms, nostalgic about my life before coming to the United States. I had a chance to talk to all my old teachers and friends. They shared their experiences about the changes in Indian schools and education. Visiting my past gave me an opportunity to reflect on the influence that education in India had on me. I now realize that the Indian education system has greatly impacted my decisions and opinions, giving me the essential tools to succeed in life.

Education in my early life established a pathway which I could walk for the rest of my life. In India, education is considered as one of most important things provided to a person. It costs several thousand rupees to send one child to school. Without money, to go to school, children would have to accompany their parents to work and would have an extremely difficult time even to go to college. The education system itself is very demanding of the student. Children spend most of their time completing homework or studying for a test. When my relatives call, they ask "How are your studies going?" to make sure that I am keeping education my top priority. This kind of rigorous education molds a person to be hard-working, organized, and competitive. This education system in India implanted in me the tools to grow in the United States.

Comparing the education systems in the US and in India, I see that the United States has more opportunities in higher education. Here, students can take advantage of numerous scholarships and opportunities offered in college. The lack of these supplies for many prospective students in India influences me to make education my top priority. Being a multicultural student, I have become even more motivated to make an impact on society because of having a wider exposure to challenged peers and my own experiences in India.

The Indian society which I came from has greatly impacted me. Its education system has given me skills that I can use for the rest of my life. I have been given resources that many people in India do not have access to, which has encouraged me to use these resources to its full potential. With the knowledge I will gain from the University of California, I someday hope to return and help the world which has given me the greatest luxury of all, education.

I believe that the problem with this is that I describe the world i came from but there is not too many about me...I need help fixing that. If you guys have any other suggestion, please do not hesitate to say it.

Writing Feedback / help with essay #1: experience with soup kitchen [4]

any corrections?

I woke up half-consciously at 6:30 A.M. to the sound of my alarm. Thinking that the alarm was set to the wrong day, I went right back to sleep. After few minutes, I suddenly remembered that I had signed up to volunteer at the Fishes and Loaves soup kitchen in Santa Ana, California.

Heading down to the soup kitchen, I was half angry that I had to wake up early on a Saturday morning. When I arrived there, everyone was preparing for the day. The soup kitchen volunteers were divided into groups. One group of volunteers was preparing the food while the other was setting up tables. In the morning, donuts and coffee were served. In the afternoon, hamburgers were served with an assortment of foods. I was told that the people who came to the soup kitchen were mainly people who were down on their luck and just wanted a free meal. I have to admit that coming from a middle class family, I was fairly well off and a little too sheltered.

During my visit to soup kitchen, my view towards homeless people changed completely. Whenever I see homeless people on the streets, I always tried my best to ignore them. I used to think they were scary and dangerous. I hoped for a job that required minimum communication. To my surprise, my job was to carry food and serve refreshments and condiments in the soup kitchen. I was not familiar with their behavior or attitudes but I tried my best to be optimistic. Before people started arriving, I imagined drunks, people who were too lazy to work, and thieves. To my astonishment, the people were quite normal. None of them caused any violence or disturbance. They just came there to have a good meal and talk with their friends and family. Some of the people had small children and some even had shopping carts with their belongings. I could not imagine a person being able to sustain life with so few resources. I was happy to spend my time helping them with their needs. My whole mentality changed and I felt that I have learned an important thing. There are so many people in this world lacking the fundamental resources that we are taken for granted. So, with my time and effort I felt that I could make their lives better.

I met a man named Jose, who used to be a factory worker. Jose was wearing a gray jacket and a black baseball hat. His clothes were ripped and looked like they were going to fall apart. His face was wearied out from constant struggle to find enough resources. Because of the drastic decline in the economy, he lost his job. From then on, he could not find any other place to work. Understanding his situation made me realize my incorrect generalizations. Everyone there was looking for a better life and was willing to work hard for it. At the end of our conversation, he gratefully thanked me, saying "Gracias", for being a volunteer in the soup kitchen. From then on, I knew my time was used in a beneficial way.

I cannot compare the soup kitchen experience to anything else I have ever done. I have never been in such a position where I can assist people and learn at the same time. Before coming to the soup kitchen, I used to think that helping homeless people on the street would not be any interest of mine. After the experience, I feel that I have found a part of myself. Now, I enjoy giving back to the community and helping all those who are in a truly desperate situation.