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Posts by rsingh5769
Joined: Dec 1, 2011
Last Post: Dec 1, 2011
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From: United States of America

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rsingh5769   
Dec 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Macaulay Honors Essay- See the World [2]

Tell us about a book, artwork, or lab experiment that changed the way you see the world. What was it about the work that affected you? How did your world become different? (500 words or less)

All through middle school I was cocky and judgmental, being friends with only the "worthy" students. In high school, this changed after I read Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card.

Ender's Game is about Ender who is taken to Battle School, where he is trained vigorously to defeat the Buggers, who are about to invade earth. Ender excels in Battle School, causing much resentment, and is transferred to Command School. He fights in simulated battles against the Buggers and eventually destroys them all, only to find out that the simulations were real. The Buggers are nearly all but wiped out except one egg that holds the queen. The Buggers left the egg behind for Ender to find. They revealed to him that they regretted killing humans and blamed themselves for the war. Ender sets out to find a planet for the Buggers to repopulate. Ender's character really amazed me. He feels compassion towards everyone and feels bad for many of his actions. Ender had a fight with another student at Battle School and he beats him severely. Even though the student was a bully and didn't like Ender, Ender regretted hurting him. Ender also feels guilty for the Buggers and helps to repopulate the species, despite the fact that they attacked humans. This really interested me and I found myself coming back to the book again and again.

Ender's character had a profound effect on my interactions with people and the world. Prior to reading this book, I was cocky and judgmental. I avoided company with students that had lower grades than mine because I deemed them "stupid." Ender's Game persuaded me to become more compassionate and understanding towards people. For example, I used to sit next to a student named George. George was temperamental and I saw him as a lazy student; a person to avoid as much as possible. After reading Ender's Game, I decided to be compassionate to George. I learned that George got frstrated because he had a hard time understanding the material. He did not really have anyone else to help him besides the teacher. I decided to help George and he greatly appreciated it. Today, George is a good friend of mine. We spend time together often; we usually go out to dinner after school is over. I realized that while you can't like everyone being kind will help to understand other people. You also have a chance to make a new friend. This experience taught me that I should be more open-minded to people and I should be compassionate.

Ender's character made me think about my own character. After seeing how he acted toward people, I felt I should be kind to everyone. Although this change might not be extreme, I was able to open myself up. I didn't constrain myself to a few friends but expanded my social network. Niccolň Machiavelli said "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." I say there is no need to have enemies at all.

I would greatly appreciate it if you could provide some feedback on my essay. Thanks.
rsingh5769   
Dec 1, 2011
Undergraduate / 'developing close relationships with White people' -UT Essay A [4]

I think this essay is good, but some corrections are needed.

1. You should not say "white people." It sounds unprofessional.
2. You should state and describe your minority earlier in the essay, maybe in the 1st paragraph or the beginning of the 2nd paragraph. This will give a general reason why you don't get along with "white people."

3. Then you should state what was different about Abby, ex. her curiosity.
4. Talk about what kind of interactions you had with Abby to explain the impact she had on your life. You said "Over time, Abby and I developed a strong friendship...now one of my closest friends." Say a few things about that process. Maybe she invited you to hang out or something or maybe you went on a trip together. Something along those lines.

5. Talk about the benefits or merits of not discriminating based on skin color. You could talk about any kind of opportunities it opened for you.

I feel your essay is good but you should restructure it.
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