Undergraduate / 'My two years of hope' - Uchicago/Yale/Harvard Supp Essay [8]

This is my essay that I want to use for a couple of supps! I need massive help with grammar.
I'm going to put X instead of my name!

The prompt: Write about a time you found something you weren't looking for.
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Ever since I was a kid, I hated crying. When tears roll down my face I would tilt my head upwards, so that the tears would go back in my eyes. For me, showing tears was a sign of weakness. It was an embarrassing act only reserved for 'losers' or 'kids' who clearly do not know how to control themselves.

But I broke down, the day before my graduation. My deputy principal had quietly summoned me, and without a break, told me that she could not help me with my college application fee waiver request. After two months of patiently waiting, was that all that she could tell me? Unable to control my overwhelming anger and despair, I burst into tears.

That was it. I could not apply to American universities. My two years of hope came crashing down. Like a 'loser,' I bawled my eyes out inside the school office.

Feeling extremely dizzy and miserable, I sat down in the empty cafeteria, arms crossed, face down. Where am I going to get the money from? How am I going to tell father about it? Where is he going to get money from? The more I thought about, the more hopeless the situation seemed.

At that moment, I felt a little tingle on my shoulder. I looked up. Anna Z, a Chinese fresh-off-the-boat junior and my best friend.

"What happened to you???" Anna almost screamed, pointing at my swollen, bloody red eyes.

"Oh, nothing... Ms. S didn't write the letter. You know... I need that," I replied, with my awfully cracked voice. By that time, I had gained control over my emotions. I could tell her about it without foolishly stuttering.

Anna's face darkened as I explained to her what had happened. She muttered "No way," and pulled my arms to hug me. She knew exactly what I needed. We did not exchange a single word after that.

The next day, during the chaotic graduation photo time, Anna came to say good-bye to me.

"You're going to keep in touch with me, aren't you Anna?" I asked carefully, holding my pinky out. Anna nodded and crossed her pinky with mine.

"I got a present for you, X. But can you promise me that you won't open it until you get home?" Anna said, smiling, showing her cutest dimples on her cheeks. Then she took a white envelope out of her pocket. The envelope had an awkward yet cute writing on it, in Korean.

'X! Home, open.'

I gave her a good hug and thanked her for her sweet letter. The letter felt unusually thick, but I did not give much thought about it.

After the long day, I finally said good-bye to all my seventy seven mates and hauled myself to my car. Before I started the engine, I remembered Anna's letter.

It should be fine to open now. She's not around. Using my car key, I cautiously opened the envelope, and glanced into it.

A two-page letter...and ten fifty dollar notes.

'X, take my savings from three years. And no, I'm not paying you. I'm investigating on the future Einstein.'

I cried.

Undergraduate / "What the....?" - Stanford roomate essay [5]

I'm not sure if my essay is suitable. Can someone give feedback? Thank you!

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Dear my prospective roomie,

You'll probably gasp as I walk in our room and unpack my bags. "What the...?" you'll ask yourself. Well, your reaction is absolutely legitimate! YES, I am a little odd, and my belongings are odder. If you first saw me from the common room, you probably wouldn't have found anything so odd about me. Plain tee shirt, jeans, converse and back pack - classic freshman, hey? However, what's on the outside can be different from what's on the inside...

Confession, I have a secret craze about cute things. Character pens? A little weak. Rainbow coloured plush toys, rabbit pyjamas, tomato shaped pillows, and duck printed blankets. I LOVE cuddly and sweet little things, and I like to permanently open an exhibition on my bed. My friends comment "this is outrageous" as they walk into my room, but soon find themselves in paradise and shout "I'm in heaven!!!" as they squeeze my baby dinosaur collection.

Still don't get me wrong! I'm not a five year old girl who lives in dream. I like collecting these because they give me a time to let go of my otherwise hard-out lifestyle. My room full of little cute things gives me a space where I can forget about all the pressures and stress that lower my spirit, so that I can recharge and go firing out again. They also remind me of my magical childhood, which I can relive - without showing the world - in my cozy room.

I'm sure you will find my 'friends' adorable, and feel free to join in my world! When you and I flunk our exams and feel heartbroken, Mr. and Mrs. Beaver will be there for us. Living life as a poise adult is cool, and partying out at a Friday night sure can't get better. But if you need that little space - where you can do everything and get away with it - I can provide that in our room.

So, are you ready to be a sophisticated college student, yet chuckle away in our secret world every night?

Let's do this!

Yours cutely,

(name)