Undergraduate / 'It was God' - UCI PS Prompt #2 Help - quality, experience [2]

Prompt - Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Last summer, I cried for the first time in years. At one moment I was oblivious, and the next, rejuvenated. The prickling feeling on the back of my neck, either from the sweat seeping out the pores or my hairs stiffening. The blaring silence disrupted by heavy crying. The warm feeling of enlivenment when closing ones eyes and opening ones mind. It was God. His presence seemed tangible. After all the drama, stress, doubt, fear, and tribulation, I finally discovered my refuge. I was replenished. Though I was kneeling with my fellow youth peers in this Catholic youth retreat, I felt no pride hampering my connection with God. Pride was diminished and I was careless, free. With a "nothing to lose" mentality, I gave my all to God for that one moment, and it paid off. In worship position, I absorbed every word; every sound emitted in my mind. It was the peace and happiness I yearned for, arriving at the quintessential time. God had a plan.

Oh, how a single weekend alongside God can truly impact ones life eternally. Calling The Lord's Flock Catholic Charismatic Youth Retreat a superb memory is a mere understatement. My complete grasp on life was reconstructed. Boldly kneeling and losing my voice to God rid me of all pride, instead replacing it with confidence. With a boost in self-confidence, I felt that I could manage extended independence and responsibility, challenging myself with jobs and car payments. Another responsibility of mine I consider essential is my role as youth leader for The Lord's Flock Los Angeles Chapter. I've always been a member of the youth, but the retreat convinced me to take command of leadership and commit to serving. Observing the other participants and their newfound happiness ignited the flame within me to assist in spreading this exquisite feeling. I've committed myself to learning the drums for The Lord's Flock's next generation worship band, practicing three to five days a week. With full commitment comes full perseverance; nothing can stop me from working towards God.

A chapter finalized, another underway. My experience during the retreat will not simply come then drag out. I will not allow myself to linger in the moment; instead I will take action. It was the sign from God everyone awaits; this was mine. The retreat developed a savoring emotion within me that is activated by happiness of others. Hopefully my thirst of spreading happiness will be quenched in January when I will be traveling to Uganda for the Lord's Flock. Not plainly to outreach, but also to spread the word and develop their youth. The Lord's Flock will continue to cultivate with my contribution and leadership. This is why I was created, to deliver genuine happiness anywhere and everywhere possible.

I need help on cutting it down to reach the word count limit and also to see if i answered the prompt properly.. thanks

Undergraduate / Panorama City + I cried - Improved UCI PS Prompt #1 & #2 - Help me out [2]

Prompt #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Culture is life. Culture forms people into individuals. Culture is embraced, but also at times scorned. At one point of my young life, I felt ashamed of my Filipino culture. I felt alone, a sort of black sheep. This happened from a complete juxtaposition of moving from my Filipino-based hometown of Panorama City to the Caucasian dominated town of Santa Clarita at the immature age of eight.

Panorama City, through my eyes, is a Filipino Mecca. This city formed my introductory thoughts of the world I had been born into: centered on family, God, and happiness. Lively family gatherings were common, as we all lived blocks apart. Extended family was abundant as well. I knew everyone who worked at the Filipino seafood market, and they knew me. The teachings of God and the Tagalog language were engrained into my developing mind since I attended a predominately Filipino private school. I was spoiled, but I wasn't the only one since most Filipino children are the pride and joy of their parents. My parents came to the United States with three hundred dollars in hand. Their objective: to grant me opportunity. I was the lone reason (my sister later included) my parents fought to achieve the American Dream. And through the struggles, I was blessed with a wonderful childhood in Panorama City thanks to the close-knit Filipino environment, my collective Filipino friends, the warmth of my Filipino family, and my feeling of gratification as a poised Filipino living in a Filipino habitat. It was my Utopia.

After a deadly incident directly in front of our house, we relocated to the Santa Clarita Valley. My parents always had my sister and I in mind, hence the quick decision of transferring to a city with less crime. I was shell shocked, knowing I would be abandoning friends, family, and life, as I knew it. Subsequently, I would also be discontinuing my development within my Filipino culture. The Santa Clarita Valley appeared to me as a single cultured valley, with the white American culture commanding a majority. The nucleus was the town center mall, and it's cell membrane - platoons of indistinguishable houses. Importance of friends had replaced the importance of family. Within my circle of friends, a distinct margin was atheist. For the first time, I was embarrassed and discomforted of my culture because I shared it with nobody. I was a minority. College of the Canyons was the scholastic summation for the youth. Their expectation was the plastic family life. At first, I acknowledged and adapted, but the mediocrity of this dull city had me desiring change. I was inevitably "white-washed". Luckily, I grew in appreciation for my culture as I felt a need to characterize myself from this city of clones. As I matured, my well-being was solidified through uniqueness as an individual and not the feeling of commonality I once shared with the habitants of Panorama City.

I am blessed to possess something that is foreign to a majority of people and communal with a minority of people. Though this journey of embracing the Filipino culture, assimilating to the white American culture, and reaffirming my passion for my original culture frolicked with my mind, I have matured for the best. God has a plan for us all, and this happens to be his blueprint to mine. That's the Filipino in me talking.