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Posts by hayoungyoun
Joined: Dec 15, 2011
Last Post: Dec 17, 2011
Threads: 3
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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hayoungyoun   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a gratitude for science' - Cornell Supplement Essay [NEW]

Hello,
I am applying to Cornell as a biology major and I just wrote one of my supplementary essays. The word limit is 500 but this is only 246 words long.

Please read over it and give me some feedback!! Thank you in advance :D

I have always had a gratitude for science and its rapid development. As a young child, I suffered through Bacterial Meningitis along with months of living in the ER. If it were not for the doctors with capabilities to cure my disease, I would not be living the wonderful life I am living today. The development of science fascinates me and intrigues me to think that some of the incurable diseases today may turn treatable in just a few decades. My inquiry about my past disease opened my eyes to other deadly diseases around the world. For instance, I found out that Alzheimer's disease, a brain disease suffered by my own grandfather, strikes 50% of those who passed their eightieth birthday, and in result, affects millions of people around the world. I want to fight for prevention of worldly diseases to stop unnecessary deaths and disabilities. Cornell University will open up many opportunities that will lead me to fulfill this dream of mine. While there are many academic and honors programs offered at Cornell, Biology Scholars Program especially seized me. With an opportunity to work with the faculty and other students in internship and research programs, I will meet others of similar interests and keep focus on my goal and future. I truly feel that I have been given a second chance at my life to contribute something to the world. Just like the doctors that rescued my life, I am determined to become lifesaving physician.
hayoungyoun   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / My experience of moving to England at the age of 7 and how it has shaped who I am [3]

What a cute essay! I, coming from a Korean heritage at the age of ten, could definitely relate to you on this topic.
I think your story about the relationship you have with your friends really brings out the cultural differences in the two countries. With that said, I do not think that the last bit about reading mangas and watching japanese tv shows should be emphasized. Maybe you could combine the two topics together and lightly mention them? It is just my opinion.
hayoungyoun   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Three days in the wilderness' - leaving comfort zone prompt [6]

I felt that you were being redundant when you said "...but I was without friends, technology, or any form of electricity."
"...without even realizing it." = subconsciously?
Try to find another word that replaces "technology."
Overall, great essay!!!
hayoungyoun   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I have climbed up to the top of my mountain' - Stanford Supplement [NEW]

What matters to you?

From the beginning of my life in America, I have worked hard to learn English. Initially, I could not even dream of being at the top of my class academically. I was in survival mode; climbing through the bottom part of the mountain, where it was very muddy and dark. Faintly seeing the top of the mountain, I was insecure about my future life in America. I always had to go the extra mile to follow up with the rest of the class by waking up early in the morning to review and preview work to prepare myself for class. The academic progress encouraged me and kept me from giving up. Every little evidence of improvement gave me hope and a reason to go on. From my days in ESL class all the way up to AP classes, I have kept the same mindset: to try my best regardless of the result. With that attitude, I have come a long way from being a helpless kid to becoming the top 10% of my graduating class of 2012. I feel that I have climbed up to the top of my mountain. However, I now see a much bigger and higher mountain waiting in front of me. As I look toward next year, I realize now that high school is only the beginning. So it matters to me that I do my very best in all things and persevere through the hardships and failures.

I'm really unsure about this essay as a whole with the mountain metaphor. What do you think about it?
hayoungyoun   
Dec 17, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Science saved my life' - Reflect on an idea or experience [3]

Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development:

Science saved my life. It is with the growth of science and medicine that I could live normally to this day. As an infant, I was stricken with bacterial meningitis, a rare and life-threatening brain and spinal cord disease. Typically caused by penicillin-resistant organisms, bacterial meningitis has terminated many lives of both young and the elderly. Although there is a range of symptoms for this disease, I personally experienced intense vomiting, altered mental status, and back and neck stiffness. To treat this horrid disease, I received spinal taps, inserting of needle in the lower spine to withdraw cerebrospinal fluid, daily for almost three months to check for pressure and levels of white blood cells and bacteria. Although I went through this as a three-year-old, I am still thankful for the development of science that saved my life. Had I been born even a decade earlier, I may have surrendered to this fatal disease and would not have had a chance to go to school, play music, or live a normal life. It fascinates me how science is always changing. With daily new discoveries, science is a field in constant motion. While I do not recall any of my past struggle with this disease, the more I research the disease that almost conquered me the more I am thankful for my present life. My inquiry about my past disease opened my eyes to other deadly diseases around the world. For instance, I found out that Alzheimer's disease, a brain disease suffered by my own grandfather, strikes 50% of those who passed their eightieth birthday. It is becoming increasingly more impactful on the society. I want to fight for prevention of diseases all over the world to stop unnecessary deaths and disabilities. I truly feel that I have been given a second chance at my life to contribute something to the world. Just like the doctor that rescued my life, I am determined to become lifesaving physician.

Please feel free to give me truthful criticism and advice :D
Thanks!
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