Undergraduate / "want do anything without parents' permission." - UC prompt#2 [2]

Please check my grammar and tell me how you think about my essay
is there anything I should add in the essay.

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Prompt#2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how it relate to the person you are

I am just like other teenagers who want do anything without parents' permission. Knowing getting straight's A is not enough to gain their trust, I decided to work at my restaurant as the position that my mom had offered me since the Christmas break last year.

Working as cashier was not as difficult as I thought it would be, my two main duties were correcting the money, and closing account for total sale at the end of each day. Because my shift is 6:00 PM to 10:00 PM, Tuesday to Saturday, I had less free time. Instead of studying and working on my homework, I spent those times to watching TV, and surfing the internet, I thought that there should be no problem getting straight A's again since I understood most of lesson I had learned on each day.

On six grading period report card, I found that my GPA went down to 3.40. The fact that my GPA went down 0.60 was totally shocked me even it was not yet my final GPA. First thought came to mind is to quit my job. But I later realized that if I quitted this job I am just like a loser, quitting before I even tried my best. Therefore I decided not to quit the job, and instead of wasting my time doing unnecessary things like surfing the internet, watching TV, I used those times for studying for the test, going over new stuff I have learned each day, clarifying myself the part that I do not get, and doing my homework. For example, at lunch time, instead of charting with my friends as usual, I would pull out either my homework to finish it or my notes to review. Also, as soon as I get home, I would relax myself for about half an hour then start working on the rest of the homework before I go to work at 6:00 PM.

The result of my effort was shown on my 12 grading period report card, I got 3.60 GPA. Knowing no one could change overnight, I was so proud of my GPA. A week after spring break, my mom asked me if I want to stop working for preparing for May SAT I, June SAT II (which was taken on the next day of my final exam) and the final exam, unlike, other people that I know who have a job, I did not stop working. So, I reorganized some of my life schedule. From the girl who never woke up before 7 o'clock in the morning, I started to wake up 5 in the morning to study for the SAT every school day.

After my report card arrived, I was disappointed that I could not keep my straight A's even I tried my best. But I was glad that at least I changed myself. I became more responsible person, and my management skills actually improved.

Undergraduate / Rural area, left the community - UC prompt#1 [2]

Please check my grammar and tell me what you think?
Prompt#1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

After my parents got divorced when I was in fifth grade, I moved in my grandparents' house while my mom immigrated to the United States, and my dad and my two siblings moved to Chiang Mai Province, Thailand. The area where I and my grandparents lived was like other rural areas; no electricity, no running water, no Internet, low population, and majority of people were poor. But nothing was worse than the long distance from our community to the hospital.

During my four year living there, I and my grandparents got invited to the funeral more often than any other events. Because the long distance to the hospital and their financial problem, most people refused to get the medical treatment and got killed by disease like Flu and Leptospirosis, which could be easily cured by certain medicine. For example, one of my neighbor who was a farmer had Leptospirosis disease, but he did not know it and we all thought that he only had flu because its symptoms were flu-like symptom; fever and headache. Not even a month after his illness, he got killed by this disease. A few days later, one more farmer died from the same symptoms. With little knowledge about Flu, my grandparents doubted those people might not kill by Flu because only Flu itself should have not killed them this fast, especially, when their family said they all took the medicine and they only had been sick for a few weeks. Therefore, my grandparents spent their money to send two people who had the same symptoms as those two guys and my neighbor's dead body to the hospital to have the doctor diagnosed the illness. The result was two of them had Leptospirosis disease and my neighbor was killed by this disease as well. After the result, my grandpa made an announcement suggesting everyone to go to hospital to check if he/she got infected by this disease. Sadly, no one took my grandpa's suggestion due to financial problem and the long distance that would increase the cost. After all, my community still was the same; many people got killed by this disease each year.

Even though it has been almost four years since the day I left this community, the need in medical treatment of those people always inspires me to become a doctor. Hoping to help people despite their poverty, I dream to have a small nonprofit clinic. However, owning clinic requires money, so I would work in the hospital too. That way, I could use my salary to spend on my nonprofit clinic.