Posts by veee
Joined: Dec 21, 2011 |
Last Post: Dec 22, 2011
Threads: 1 Posts: 2
|
From: United States of America
|
Displayed posts: 3
Undergraduate /
'Choir has opened door for me' - Rice supplement essay [3]
this is the end of my essay, please read and critique! tell me if the whole "a girl" thing at the end id weird. please and thank you!
A. The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.)Choir has opened door for me that I never dreamed were possible. Choir has given me the confidence I need to accept myself and succeed in my everyday life. I can now easily talk to people, give speeches and sing in front of large audiences. My self-confidence has given me the strength to implement change as well. I am no longer the girl that stands in the corner waiting for someone else to make changes, I make them myself. I am now a devoted environmentalist. I try every day to recycle and educate others about the importance of the environment. I take environmental classes as well to further educate myself on the human impact on the world. I want to make the world a better place, and with my self-confidence I can.
My presence at Rice will contribute a girl who has the confidence to take chances; a girl who can add ethnic diversity by bridging America's modern, fast-paced culture with my own Vietnamese culture. I can make Rice more environmentally educated. I can offer Rice a girl who can face adversity. I have seen my father almost die from cancer. I have taken care of my little sister when my parents could not themselves. I know what it takes to be tough. I can offer Rice a student who is ready to implement change and defeat any challenges. My confidence and past experiences shaped me into the person I am today. And I believe I fit perfectly with Rice.
Undergraduate /
'lived in two different cultures' - UW Computer Science Short Answer [3]
Personally, I would put the comma after solitaire not used;
What started out as a toy that I use
d, to play minesweeper and solitair
e, turned out to be one of my most loved possessions.
And for this one I would keep the "I" and not put "I've" just to keep it out for passive voice:
Having lived in two different cultures -- one where computers are abundant and another in which it is an unfamiliar object --
I developed a strong appreciation for this robust system that some people lack.
Need Writing or Editing Help?