Undergraduate / Common APP Essay: Luxury VS. Struggle [20]

Fourth Grade*- sounds better (Comma after fourth grade?)

I enjoyed the essay, but I think you have jumped from idea to idea. I'm a twin as well, although we are boy fraternal twins. I totally do understand how people do not think your a single individuals. When we were little, we went to different schools but now we go to the same high schools. I also attend the rich schools only in Scottsdale, Arizona.

Back to your essay, I think that this is an excellent insight towards you personal character. The grammar is fine but I would check commas. Sometimes it's better to through a period and start a new sentence. I love how you use great vocabulary not "showy" words. I connected towards your essay. I'm a black dude but my friends are valley-girls and chauvinistic boys show flaunting their peacock feathers (so to speak).

The ending was a nice conclusion to a fabulous essay. Contractions are great to limit word count. Are you over the limit?

There's just better ways to say some things.

In no way*
The "rich" label has plagued

Undergraduate / Common APP Essay: Luxury VS. Struggle [20]

In academic papers such as dissertations, essays such as literary analysis, and or term papers, contractions should and not be used. In personal narratives, its fine because this i not a formal essay. 499 is just fine, They don't care about world limit unless you are crazy over, like 600 or more words.

Would prompt 5 work.

It was smooth,a natural progression, but jumped the gun. I got interested in one part, then the direction changed, but you have a lot to say in few words.

Undergraduate / 'creating a welcoming, diverse community' - Why Columbia? [6]

I understand that you are telling the adcom why you want to attend Columbia but I think It would be better for you to explain how a Columbia education will change you or how you will take advantage of a columbia education. I feel like your telling Meryl Streep she's an Oscar winning actress, don't you think she knows. Do you get my analogy. Don't spit back stuff Columbia already knows about themselves. The topic seems generic but you can make it unique to you. I enjoyed your response but really think.

Undergraduate / 'a volunteer work in a village' - williams college supplement [3]

I liked it but this is kind of a clique.

Undergraduate / Common APP Essay: Luxury VS. Struggle [20]

Since fourth grade, returning to school after summer holidays had been extremelymost difficult.
I cut out the part that veered off!!!!!!!

(Add some personal examples of what you want to experience, maybe talk about study abroad opportunities; explain how you will have stories to tell.)

Edit this and add some more and i think you'll have a great essay, do worry about "the so-what" factor, because hopefully your supplements will attribute towards wowing the admission committee.