Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Monisaahmed
Joined: Dec 23, 2011
Last Post: Dec 24, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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Monisaahmed   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Research' + 'activities' + 'Indian meal' - Notre Dame Supplements [5]

5. Why are you interested in attending the University of Notre Dame?
The university is revered for its research, respected for its Nobel laureates, gazed at in awe due to its stunning architecture, and known for its top-notch education. However, no matter how much I may glorify the university, it could never do justice to just how ineffable the institution truly is.

It is an institution, yes, but what draws me to Notre Dame is not simply its notoriety or fastidious attention to detail, but its soul. Yes, soul. It is a school full of life, a school meant to absorb and contain the experiences of its students, and emanate those jovial feelings of scholarly wealth. The school is an all encompassing system of organs: breathing, pumping, living. I am not merely excited by the thought of learning at the institution, but learning from it.

Just as an influential individual does, the institution will leave its mark on me, the breadth of knowledge I gain will fail to dissipate, and whatever experiences I gain will not be simple memories, but lifelong lessons of scholarly and moral advice. No other institution has spoken to me so prodigiously, no other university so confident in its ability to teach me all there is to know about what I'd like to study, as well as the realities and consequences of the roller-coaster of life. It is a school meant for the scholarly, for the diligent, but also for the life-like. It is a living, breathing institution, one that not only teaches its students in academia, but in life as well. I would like to attend Notre Dame to become thoroughly acquainted with its being, and employ the vast expanse of knowledge and morals I acquire in all my future endeavors.

3. Many people form a list of once-in-a-lifetime activities to accomplish. For example, individuals on the admissions staff hope to visit all the national parks, publish a fiction novel or waddle with penguins in Antarctica. What are a few of the items on your list?

There are quite a few items on my own personal list, but I must resist my urges and divest only a small number of them:

-to dabble in journalism and photography, particularly for a famous magazine such as my favorite, 'Time' magazine.
-Completing a culinary expedition around the world, sampling cuisines from every nation at their most authentic. (Just writing that item excited me.)
-To aid in the creation of a new Disney World attraction.
-To pen a novella as I ride a gondola along a peaceful Venice canal.
-To fly to an underdeveloped country as a certified doctor, and provide medical care for those who desperately need it.
-To satisfy my East Asian culture enthusiast-side (which is, arguably, fairly large) with a trip to visit my favorite Asian authors and cultural idols.
-Lastly, I feel as though every organ and nuance in my body would refuse to let me die before I completed the Islamic pilgrimage to Mecca, or Hajj. This particular item is my most important, most emphasized, and definitely my most treasured.

4. You have 150 words. Take a risk.
Biryani is the quintessential Indian meal often served at parties, gatherings, and special events. It consists of a myriad of deep, earthy spices slow-cooked with rice and any form of marinated meats or vegetables. It, of course, is the most delicious food I've ever tasted, and varies based on region: Northerners cook their biryani with a more contemporary flair, Southerners prefer their biryani to be vegetarian, and so on. However, the sect of this glorious dish that is the most revered and representative of India happens to hail from my home town: Hyderabad. To my family, and many other Hyderbadi families as well, biryani is not simply a delicious delicacy, but a manifestation of the cook and his or her persona. To serve biryani with anything less than the best of one's ability is considered near blasphemous. Cooks who dare to even make their biryani with unorthodox ingredients are typically metaphorically shunned (though, never literally). It is, of course, an entirely different story if one were to serve sub-par biryani; it is an insult to one's guests, and an invitation for guests to insult and critique with as much force and spite as they wish.

Personally, I have long deemed my own mother's biryani to be superior to all that I have tasted (and this includes my grandmother's, which, culturally speaking, is near impossible). This statement I divest with the most unbiased of opinions; she prepares her biryani with the utmost care and meticulousness, paying heed to every last detail. She even serves every last conventional condiment and side-dish, all in the name of presenting a considerate image of not only herself, but her family and ancestors as well.

So biryani is not only a traditional delicacy, but a representation of one's region, culture, ability, and family. In my humble opinion, I can judge to my heart's content if I find someone's biryani sub-par. No one does it like my mom, and I am quite proud of that.

I feel as though all these essays are unnecessarily long and wordy. If anyone can acquiesce to my statement, or finds the flow or content to be less than worthy, please let me know! Thanks :)
Monisaahmed   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / Columbia MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER short essay [3]

I personally thoroughly enjoyed your short essay. It was really concise and to the point, but still managed to convey your intimate thoughts and personal feelings on the subject at hand deftly. The only thing I could possible suggest is to alter your sentence 'I sat there shocked.' You could possibly opt for an alternate word choice for shocked such as 'astounded' or 'flabbergasted', but other than that I see nothing truly wrong with it.

Your thoughts were deep, but you could also incorporate more emotional responses (if that is what was asked). Great work though!
Monisaahmed   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Research' + 'activities' + 'Indian meal' - Notre Dame Supplements [5]

@22kcox
I completely agree that the essays are far too impersonal and normal, they really aren't unique enough. Especially my first one, that one definitely needs a few revisions! I need to convey my ideas better and really say just what I want from the school, or just how connected I feel to it.

As for the risk essay, yeah, I was really at a loss as to what to write. I think I'll keep the topic, but change it to have it relate strictly to me or to show something about my personality, because that is what the essay is about. Thanks so much for your advice!

@sagar_patel12
Yeah, I probably should have noted that I was at an extreme loss as to what risk to take because, frankly, I'm no risk taker lol. But, I'll definitely take that into consideration, may morph it into something more personal. As for the first prompt, I see EXACTLY what you mean. I definitely need to step off the glorifying and say exactly what I expect from the school.

Thanks so much for your feedback! I'll definitely take a look at your supplement :)

@laspinadenise
Solid advice, I'll definitely make the list more personal/ state some short ideas about how they are personally important to me. I should probably also omit the dashes to help it flow better along with the addition of some reasoning/omitting of certain things. Thank you so much!
Monisaahmed   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'raised in a single parent home' - Stanford- Intellectual development [8]

I read both your original and revised version of the essay and I think it's fantastic. It's very personal, directly related to the topic, and a good experience.

You could possibly use some better diction, possibly instead of "when we were just bored", you could say "in times of exasperating boredom" or something similar. Same thing with the quest for knowledge, you could call it 'insatiable' to better convey how much you thrive for knowledge, and how your brother made that happen.

Overall I think its great and after the revision, no ideas need altering.
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