Undergraduate / 'How to not be a failure' LACs (Dart, CMC, Bowdoin), Cornell, Gtown [3]

Um I'm sorry, but I can't quite figure out what's going on here...Is this your college essay? If it is, I understand how you might want to try to do something different and really make your essay stand out, but I think this is too out there. It's sort of confusing to follow along. I'm assuming this is a fictional conversation between yourself and your notebook? I'd consider another writing style, because I'm really not quite sure what exactly you're writing about here. I picked up something about being afraid of being a failure and about procrastinating, both really good points because they're personal things we all go through. Rather, why don't you write this in a narrative? Pretend as though you were talking to a friend or parent, trying to get your thoughts and emotions across, and put that in paper form. I like how this deals with a personal issue you have and your attempt to grapple with it, but you need to make sure your reader (the admissions officer) can actually understand what you're writing. I hope this helps somewhat. You're probably worried about the time crunch, but hey I wrote my essay in about a day or two (it just came to me one day!). And everyone I showed it to, from several English teachers to a former admissions officer, loved it. Good luck to you!

Undergraduate / 'my capacity for being a kind person' - Brown: the most insight into you [4]

Heyyy I'm applying to Brown too.

Hmm well this is just me but frankly I'd write another essay. This one casts you in a negative light. I know you ended with being proud of who you are, and it's good to be proud of yourself. But remember, college applications are things you want to put you in the best light. Most colleges, especially the higher ranking ones, want to build a certain community - usually one where the students are actively involved in it and with each other. Writing an essay in which you pretty much say you're cynical won't really make you seem like the best candidate for this community. I know you said you're a realist, not a pessimist, but this makes you come off as a cynic anyhow. Avoid essays that make you seem like you'll seclude yourself from the rest of the community once you get into college, and this one, well, it doesn't really make you seem like one to jump into the community.

Also, this essay doesn't so much focus on you as much as it does on your opinion of other people. They want to hear about you, not what you think of others. If you really want to stick with this topic, reword it to something like "Cynic or realist? Which one are you?" That way you can focus more on you, and not what you think about everyone else. And you also don't want to insult anyone. Someone could read this and think "Oh, so you think I'm selfish? Well then..." and you don't want any butt hurt admissions officers ;D

I hope I helped some, and good luck to you!