Undergraduate / 'from Maryland to Arizona in the eighth grade'; Univ. of Maryland College Essay [4]

"Most noticeably was when I moved from Maryland to Arizona in the eighth grade." - I would consider revising that sentence, it's a little awkward.

- and reword the sentence you have after that because I was a little confused when I read it.
"Whenever a peer of mine was struggling, they tend to ask me rather than the teacher as he didn't give out much help." - Again awkward wording.

- Check your tenses because you tend to shift them
- I like the changing to language they can understand part :)
- Your closing sentence of the third paragraph is oddly worded, maybe you could try something like "My experience in tutoring others has benefited me not only by .... but also exposing me to .. etc"

"would provide me with numerous
"With a strong ambition to learn and be challenged by my professors to succeed; I find that the University of Maryland would be an excellent institution for a driven student like me to attend." - A semicolon should NEVER serve as a comma. EVER change that to a comma

- All in all, your essay was kind of bland (no offence). But I mean it's not like you're going in as an English major right? I know how you feel cause I suck at writing too and I'm also applying to colleges as an engineering major. But really, you should get someone else to check over grammar and stuff too, because I just skimmed it. Here's what I do, if you read it to someone and they look like they're bored to death about halfway in your essay, that will be the admissions person too, except about x100 because you know, they have to read about a million essays and stuff..

Undergraduate / Common App Topic of your choice "Frankenstein" [5]

Hey, your beginning was terrific! It was very captivating. But one thing though, as I got towards the end, it started to get a little confusing. Make sure you know what the main focus of this essay is and stick with it. See at the end, you talk about your linear reasoning a great deal, and yet you end with I love math team. And also, try not to use the words linear reasoning so much. I almost felt a little suffocated by how many times you used it. Other than a little bit of the ending, the rest was great! Good luck! :)

Oh and if you could, please look at my essay. Thanks!

Undergraduate / Common APP Essay: Luxury VS. Struggle [20]

- I think you should change "grade four" to fourth grade. It has more of a I'm-trying-to-tell-this-story type of feel.
- "regarded like aliens" should be regarded as
- "I could not fathom why we had never been on an airplane or left the island since the numerous responses my teacher was swamped with designated them as prerequisites." This sentence to me felt a little odd, I think you should reword it.

- All in all, this was quite a wonderful essay. you word choice and transitioning were smooth. I get the feeling that living in an environment where people think you are a certain way but when you actually aren't sucks. i know how you feel. Good job!!! :)

Undergraduate / Short UVa Suppliment "what is your favorite place to get lost in and why?" [5]

Thank you! If I get rid of the moving away part, how does "The inside of the Turtle was my palace, and I was the queen. Nothing else could compare"