TheAphasic
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / NYU Supplements- Why NYU, My Major, and Adolf Hitler [5]
Hrm. Two things.
1. It doesn't tell enough about you. The premise is that "Humans are depraved," but where does that lead you? How did the realization come to affect, change, shape, etc.
2. Why is it intriguing? Why does it interest you? Has it had some sort of personal impact?
See, it all eventually boils down to how this interest or fascination reveals things about you. Answering what the fascination is only half the question. You did attempt to do it with the last bit of the essay, but I feel that the bulk of the essay is taken up by just facts. Interesting facts, to be sure, but I think the colleges would prefer you divert that space to talk more about yourself.
Oh, and a random note (feel free to ignore)
It seems to be a tad... dark, no?
"We would kill the innocent, out of fear, blind faith, or peer pressure. The worst circumstances bring out the true nature of people. We are only animals."
Perhaps that's true, (but my personal philosophy is irrelevant here)
Too dark, too dark! Just playing with the Devil's advocate, but what about not so horrible acts?
If it was me, I would go with
"Of course, it is easy to fall into the view of the cynic. But I realized that what "war" does is bring out the character within people, not turn them into beasts. It reveals what's within us. What were are by nature. Atrocities were committed. But so were acts of kindness, mercy, and affection." But hey, what do I know *shrug*
Hrm. Two things.
1. It doesn't tell enough about you. The premise is that "Humans are depraved," but where does that lead you? How did the realization come to affect, change, shape, etc.
2. Why is it intriguing? Why does it interest you? Has it had some sort of personal impact?
See, it all eventually boils down to how this interest or fascination reveals things about you. Answering what the fascination is only half the question. You did attempt to do it with the last bit of the essay, but I feel that the bulk of the essay is taken up by just facts. Interesting facts, to be sure, but I think the colleges would prefer you divert that space to talk more about yourself.
Oh, and a random note (feel free to ignore)
It seems to be a tad... dark, no?
"We would kill the innocent, out of fear, blind faith, or peer pressure. The worst circumstances bring out the true nature of people. We are only animals."
Perhaps that's true, (but my personal philosophy is irrelevant here)
Too dark, too dark! Just playing with the Devil's advocate, but what about not so horrible acts?
If it was me, I would go with
"Of course, it is easy to fall into the view of the cynic. But I realized that what "war" does is bring out the character within people, not turn them into beasts. It reveals what's within us. What were are by nature. Atrocities were committed. But so were acts of kindness, mercy, and affection." But hey, what do I know *shrug*