Undergraduate / 'how diverse I actually am' - William and Mary supplemental [13]

"Not only am I diverse because of my background, as a Puerto Rican and African American, I'm also diverse as an individual"

First. If I were you I would say "Not only I am diverse because of my background as a Puerto Rican and African American but also as an individual"

Or if you want to put your first sentence, "Not many people are aware of how diverse I actually am" I would continue with as a Puerto Rican and African American I am also diverse as an individual.

The first 2 sentences you can make it a little bit tight.

Hope this helps :)

Goodluck.

Undergraduate / 'Living and dreaming' - University of Chicago Long Essay [12]

"Potential! The answer is potential. Sorry for blurting out the answer like that, but perhaps I must explain further. Envision the nervous system"

I dont know why but I feel like if I were you I would cut these sentences and just start from the "Dreaming" and blablablaa...

Hope this helps ;)