Undergraduate / 'I live in a big city' - UM [Identity of your community] [NEW]

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

I live in a big city and have a relative rich and comfortable life. I never worrying about my life and do not know much about others who live around me. However, after a volunteer experience in the most providence remote mountain area as a teaching program member, I know how to oriental myself and what is the identity and social responsibilities belong to me. I met a lot poor children, many of them even short of the basic necessaries such as food, water and cloths for the winter. Thus, I aware I should do something specially. Comparing to the life I go through to the life of the child from remote area, I cannot still keep silence. So what I did was to set up connection between the relative rich community and poor community. I really want to use my weak power to wake people who belong to my community and improve the living condition of the poor children just because we are all human beings. It is our responsibility to help each other. So, I found a club in my high school and set up a foundation to raise money for the poor children. In order to get more money and make use of raising money well, I assigned my club members different jobs including pay a visit to the local big companies to get support and do performance in the community activity center and every school to raise money. Only two months, we rose over $5000 and I spent most part on the quilts and cloths which prepare for the children to come over the cold winter. I will keep raising money and keep the connection between two communities and constantly improve this program. I just want to persuade more people provide their love to prove this world is never lack of love!

Please help me to revise it and shorten it to 250 words (now is 300). Thank you I am appreciating for you guys help

Undergraduate / 'I got my first internship in my life' - UM unique essay [2]

Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum)

During the 2011 summer, I got my first internship in my life. I worked in a famous consulting firm in Beijing, and what I did everyday was analyzing many data and using some elementary statistics and mathematics knowledge like probability to help my advisor sort data and collect them into forms for other staffs who would make investment decision latter. It was really a tough work. I woke up around 7 a.m. every morning and worked at least 8 hours for three whole weeks. However, I strongly appreciated this experience. I, enjoying to exploit mathematics and to solve practical problems with mathematics logic such as making the best profitable and optimize investment decision, had explored that mathematics concentration with economics option may be suitable for me. Also, this internship made me know that I had weakness of knowledge need to be filled in the future.

Why I choose University of Michigan's science mathematics major with mathematical economics option offered by the College of Literature, Science, and the Arts? The reason is simple. First of all, in terms of the academic and future profession, University of Michigan, being a highly selective and competitive university with extremely prestigious mathematics department, perfectly firs all my desires.

What is more important, the mathematics major here is well designed. The college provides elective concentrations as well as clear options which tailor for me strictly. In the science mathematics major with mathematical economics option I can learn the course including not only mathematics, but also economics and other elementary curriculums related to mathematics such as physics. Also, in college of L.S.A., the department of mathematic provides Research Experience for Undergraduates (REU) program which is attracting me a lot because the purpose for this research program is to help students deepen their understanding of mathematics and its applicants. Having chance to cooperate with top researchers, I can make full use of mathematics to solve practical problems and to do many interdisciplinary projects. Thus, this program is totally corresponding to my aspiration to learn and apply mathematics.

Finally, in terms of social life and culture interchange, college of L.S.A is a very good choice for me. Applicants to college of L.S.A. spread all over the world. Combining my experience in the "Big Ten", I am sure this multi-culture life in college of L.S.A. will gain me a lot. People with variety cultural background and from different countries and areas get together to inspire the ideas interweaving, thus it is absolutely beneficial for mathematics study and for creating inventions and solve practical problems.

All of above factors whatever in academic aspects or extracurricular social life tell my heart that there is no doubt to choose UMich, to choose College of Literature, Science, and the Arts, and to choose mathematics major with mathematical economics option because I can have better opportunities to study what I am interest in and to pursue splendid future achievements that I have conceived in my mind whatever in academic or professional.

Thank you for revising. I will be appreciate to accept any suggestion. Thank you again.