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Posts by yibe2
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Last Post: Feb 29, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

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yibe2   
Feb 28, 2012
Graduate / 'when I met my extended family' - My personal essay for Physical Therapy program [2]

This is just a rough draft, writting and grammar are not my strengths at all :/ please give me all the feedback you can it will all be much appreciated :)!!!

the question is which personal characteristics and motivating factors have led you to pursue the profession of physical therapy?

I was thirteen when I met my extended family for the first time. I had always heard stories and nicknames my parents had for their siblings. However, for the first time I understood why one of my uncles had such a silly name "chunco" which means inferior parts of the body that are inserted into the hip, used for locomotion. I was surprised to see his condition; he walked while holding one of his legs in place with his hand, while lifting the other in front of him. My uncle is part of a vast population of people in my country that had acquired paralytic poliomyelitis at a very young age. Though the vaccine did exist at the time, my uncle was unfortunate to not have received it. As a child I was intrigued by his condition and soon found myself spending more and more time with my uncle in search of answers and in a great desire to understand his condition. I spend time listening to his stories, and through them I realized how hard it was for him growing up with an incapacity. I would analyze his extremely thin legs in comparison to his body and his curved and disfigured feet. I never felt sad for his condition, on the other hand I felt proud because regardless of his physical incapacity he was a strong man. He found ways to do anything he wanted to. He knew that it didn't matter how long it took you get somewhere as long as you got to where you wanted to be. I grew fond of him as he took the figure of a friend and a father in my life. It was at that moment that I learned what I wanted to do for the rest of my life; I wanted to help people with physical disabilities. I understood that before having the physical capacity, one must have the internal strength and will to achieve ones goal.

As an adult, soon after graduating from Lehman College with a degree in Biology I volunteered at Alexander Physical Therapy Clinic. On my first day as a volunteer I remember how extremely enthusiastic I was. However, I quickly learned that some patients lack motivation to better themselves because of the severity of their condition. One of the patients (M.J) I grew fond of had suffered a stroke two years ago, and as a result he was bed-bound. I realized that many times our compassion for others provides us with a greater desire and will to help and comfort those in need. I was appealed to this MJ because of his depressed appearance and soon found myself dedicating a great amount of my volunteer hours offering support by listening and keeping him company as well as encouraging him throughout his rehabilitation sessions. By dedicating this time I saw how his attitude and perspective slowly changed, he actually seemed less reluctant to the therapy and was willing to try new things as well as share a shaky smile. I am gratified for having had the opportunity to view my patient's happy facial expression to see me in association with physical therapy as an enjoyable part of his day. I learned a lot through MJ, I learned that physical therapy deals not only with the physical aspect of a patient but his or her emotional aspect , and that providing motivation, compassion and perseverance create an environment of support and trust in which a patient's recovery can thrive.

I feel the quote "Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile" by Albert Einstein describes how I feel towards a career in Physical therapy. Working closely with others and being able to aid and make a difference in their lives also brings me happiness. Even though at times it appears that progress is slow, when we look back we are able to see what our hard work has accomplished and it is very rewarding. I feel the factors that have motivated me to choose this profession are reinforced everyday with the encounters of people like my uncle and patients like MJ. The patients expand my desire to help them and become a positive influence in their lives.
yibe2   
Feb 29, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Why do you want to study in Norway?' - a motivation essay [4]

I love this essay, its such a beautiful story!! It is very motivational and I enjoy reading it so much and I can actually feel the passion you have for Geodesy.

There are some gramatical errors:
The first time I used a theodolite was when I was 4 years old.M y grandfather used to showtaught me how to use one,but as a childI was young I didn't understand.much but I loved watching him workworking with the theodolite, and wouldIhelpedhelp him carrying carry the instruments around the field. He always took me to his work place where he had worked for over 30 years. I was fascinated about the maps and the measurements he made. He was like a hero forto me. I wouldalways askedask myself how could he manage to do all those things.he had to do,[/ s].S ometimes he would stayedup all night long drawing topographic maps. I loved to toy around with the equipment he had, with a smiling face he took me up and said: "You my son, you will be great geodesist, you will have the strength and the technology to do great things".

If you want you can change this sentence like this:
He was very passionate, sometimes he would stay up all night drawing topographic maps. I loved to toy around with the equipment he had, I knew I was always welcomed there. One day with a smiling face he took me in his arms and said: "You my son, you will be great geodesist, you will have the strength and the technology to do great things"

Then one year later the war began,.
In this sentance you might want to put the year instead, you can write:
One year later in **** the war began,
you can also specify which war
M y father couldn't risk the life of his family and stay at home, sothereforemy fatherhe decided togothat we would should move to Switzerland. My father started the car and took me and my brother and I.H e wanted to take grandfather to come as welltoo, but my grandfatherhe insisted to stay and said: "No way, I am going to protect the house.G o get your wife and leave now".

I and my brother were in the car, he opened the car door and hugged me tight, he couldn't stop his tears and with a broken voice he said to me: "Son when you grow up finish what I left unfinished, make this place a better place for you and your family".

You can rewrite this sentence like this:
Then grandfather came over and opened the car door and he hugged me. He couldn't stop his tears and with a broken voice he said to me: "Son when you grow up finish what I left unfinished, make this place a better place for you and your family".

Two years later we came back home, our house was burned and my father found grandfather dead in the basement. The next day we buried him. I just couldn't believe that he was dead my hero was dead . I said to my dad: "This can't be grandfather because heroes don't die they are invincible", He said to me:" This is grandfather but don't forget what he said to you, now you must continue what he left unfinished".

My grandfather's love for his work was the motivation for me to be a geodesist. When I was in upper secondary school our English teacher asked the whole class about what are we were going to study, some students said wethey haven't decided yet, some said we arethey were going to study what ourtheir father studied, and then she asked me, I said:" Teacher I was born to study geodesy, my grandfather said to me that I have to finish the work he left and that's what I am going to do". She was amazed and said to the other students "I worked 20 years in this school and I have never seen a student like you, chase you dreams students because they will come true".

The next summer I applied but I was not alone we were about 200 students that wanted to study geodesy but only the ha lf made it.

you might want to rewrite:
The next summer I applied to the geodesy program in (name of school), however I was not alone. About 200 students wanted to enter the geodesy program but only half made it in.Its not clear if you did or not, im assuming you did, you might want to mention that.

Our university has a small issue that we have old geodesy equipment that don't even functiondoesn't work properly.We learn from the few equipment that is still in good conditionjust learn some parts that are still usable . So I have made myself two promises, the first one is that when Iafter graduating I want to improve and supportprovide the University of Prishtina with new geodesy equipment's that will help the next generation to learn more about them and not just see them in booksfrom hands on experience . The second one is thatpromise is toI want to help my family and my state because when students graduate they don't want to work for the state because they don't get much money.

This sentence is not very clear try to explain it better .
When I saw that the Gjřvik University College was offering students to study in Norway I said to myself: "This is my chance to make my dream come true, to help my state and my family". I have always dreamed ofstudystudying abroad because I want toknow that they havework with better geodesy equipment and I would like to experience so many things that Norway havehas to offer such as the traditional food, the buildings, the music, the cultures,experience the student life too , how they learnteaching environment , how they workworkfield and how they live[lifestyle .

Hi Fation, I enjoyed your essay very much!, it is very encouraging, It does need more work. I hope The comments I made help you! :) Once you fix it you should repost it again! im sure more people can give you great suggestions and I would love to read it!!
yibe2   
Feb 29, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Why do you want to study in Norway?' - a motivation essay [4]

Sorry the 7th sentence should look like this:
I would ask myself how he managed to do all those things.
I just looked it over, theres still more to edit, take your time it will come out great :)
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