livelaughhluv59
Mar 6, 2012
Undergraduate / 'family doctor' - SUNY Plattsburgh and Rutgers University [3]
problem with:
*they sculpted a a part of me and ENABLED** me to view things
*try to stay away from the word "things"
*this sentence:
-I am still struggling to look for something I like*ADD LONG DASH-- besides doing medicine but of no avail. This had bothered me for a long time and it affected me **BOTH academically and emotionally.
*Soon, my parent*S* (plural) found out about what is happening ON me?... i'm pretty confused about that diction
*this sentence:
At that moment, I felt really lucky: not only DO I have chances to pursue my own dream, BUT ALSO have such a loving and supportive family.
*this sentence:
Knowing having such strong "backbone", it gave me strong dedication to work harder in academics and also not to forget my main priority.
change possible sentence: Knowing that I have such a strong "backbone gives me both strong dedication to work harder in academics and a strong reminder to NOT forget my main priorities. (you have to try to make them paralell andmore sophisitcated
*it is non-commuter
*will be prepared to excel in a medical school then; I will cure and let the frowning sick patients be happy healthy man agai
take out the then ^
fix "I will cure the sick patients and make then the happy healthy men they deserve to be.
Needs some proofreading, otherwise, great essay!
problem with:
*they sculpted a a part of me and ENABLED** me to view things
*try to stay away from the word "things"
*this sentence:
-I am still struggling to look for something I like*ADD LONG DASH-- besides doing medicine but of no avail. This had bothered me for a long time and it affected me **BOTH academically and emotionally.
*Soon, my parent*S* (plural) found out about what is happening ON me?... i'm pretty confused about that diction
*this sentence:
At that moment, I felt really lucky: not only DO I have chances to pursue my own dream, BUT ALSO have such a loving and supportive family.
*this sentence:
Knowing having such strong "backbone", it gave me strong dedication to work harder in academics and also not to forget my main priority.
change possible sentence: Knowing that I have such a strong "backbone gives me both strong dedication to work harder in academics and a strong reminder to NOT forget my main priorities. (you have to try to make them paralell andmore sophisitcated
*it is non-commuter
*will be prepared to excel in a medical school then; I will cure and let the frowning sick patients be happy healthy man agai
take out the then ^
fix "I will cure the sick patients and make then the happy healthy men they deserve to be.
Needs some proofreading, otherwise, great essay!