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Posts by amirameri83
Joined: Mar 18, 2012
Last Post: Mar 19, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: Islamic Republic of Iran

Displayed posts: 2
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amirameri83   
Mar 18, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Student behavior in schools, causes and solutions [3]

complaining about students' reactions in school environment becomes a critical point which many people are concerned about. School managers mention the steady growth of these trend will damage the education system. I believe that you can find the roots of this disorganization in our educational environments and non-qualified teachers.

It is strongly proved that atmosphere has a significant effects on human reactions. our rough class situations, bad air conditioner system, inadequate space for playing, locating schools in crowded part of cities, too much student accumulation in small area and so on are some examples that planners have told about as effective points on students behavior. Since students are young and fresh need to release their energy in an active environment. Governments should modify the schools situations and allocate more subsidies to school managers to reorganize the facilities and space and also change the shape of our educational area from an office to a calm place for our students.

the other effective point is in fact most of our teachers and school managers are not experted persons, especially psychology field. Statistics show that just three out of twenty five teachers in my country have passed mental related courses and are familiar with some basic needs of students and youngsters. The results attributed to our school managers is worst by just three persons out of a hundred which indicates that there is a strong demand for using of psychologists and educational consultants to plan a appropriate program.

(250 words)
amirameri83   
Mar 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Student behavior in schools, causes and solutions [3]

Jennyflower81

HI JENNY
THANKS FOR YOUR TIME AND CONCENTRATION. ABOUT THE LAST POINT THAT YOU MENTIONED, I TRY TO TALK ABOUT THE PROBLEM AND QUICKLY SHOW THE SOLUTION ON THE SAME PARAGRAPH. IS IT CORRECT? OR IT WILL BRING A NEGATIVE POINT IN TASK RESPONSE?

MY STRUCTURE IS LIKE THIS:

INTRO: BACKGROUND, BLUEPRINTS, MY OPINION
PARAGRAPH 1: 1ST BLUEPRINT , CAUSE, RELATED SOLUTION
PARAGRAPH 2: 2ND BLUEPRINT , CAUSE, RELATED SOLUTION
CONCLUSION
AGAIN THANKS FOR YOUR ATTENTION.
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