Scholarship / 'to finish the iron man' - scholarship essay [5]

It is for a scholarship. It is about the factor "The Iron Man - A race" in answer to the question: List and describe three unique factors that have most shaped who you are

I would definitely attribute my athletic ability to the passion that possessed my ten year old self to finish the iron man. This rigorous race, which includes a one mile run, a lap row around a lake, a quarter mile swim, and then an archery challenge, was the boy scouts ultimate test of endurance and strength. One in which I came last two years in a row. The support of my troop members helped me see the race through each time and strengthened my resolve to push beyond my comfort zone and complete what I start, no matter what.

What do you think?

Undergraduate / 'when someone gets hurt...' - Questbridge application essay [2]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit)

When I was eleven years old my smallest brother fell from his bike and hurt his head pretty badly. My siblings and I had all gone down a moderately steep hill on our way back home from the bike trail, and he was the last one in line. As he came down, he probably hit something, and went headfirst over the handlebars. He tumbled slightly down the hill, and the bike passed him and rolled off to the side. When I saw that wound, I felt so helpless and frightened, because I didn't really know how to help him. My parents shortly arrived however, and soon the situation was under control. This and other events have lead to my growing interest in the brain, and how it works. I want to understand what makes us who we are, and how and why the body reacts to certain parts of our environment the way it does.

Like most people, when someone gets hurt, it becomes a moment that gets hurt, it becomes a moment that you remember for long time. From when I scraped my knee in Nigerian running around the unpaved roads by my grandparents house., to when I hit my head while playing tag half a decade later. Of all these, we did not go to the hospital due to the high costs associated with it. Over a year ago my sister accidently cut her toes with garden shears, and went to the hospital to get it fixed. We are still paying the hospital bills. Now I can not say that if I go into the medical field I will be able to fix that, but at least I will be able to see what I can do, especially when it comes to the brain.

The incident with my brother helped me slowly realize the importance of my dream. I want to be able to take care of my future family just as much, and even more than my parents can take care of us. Becoming a doctor will not only provide me with a stable inome, but will also give me the knowledge I need to help my family, the people in the United States, in Nigeria, abd anywhere the wind takes me.

Currently at about 400 words. Please critique, it will be greatly appreciated!