Posts by Beautifulchaos

Beautifulchaos

Apr 1, 2012

Undergraduate / "I am shy" - 500 word Personal essay - starting points? [5]

Hi

I have to write a insightful essay that identifies and explains the most significant factors or influences that have contributed to your personal and intellectual development. Its an application essay for the 1st year science/math honours program at the university i am planing to attend. I am very good at math and science but suck at english and have never written a personal essay before and could really use some help on how to start this sort of essay.

I was thinking on writing about how shy i am but when i am in math or science class i am able to open my self up because i new what i was talking about, i was with like minded people, and being able to have the knowledge i was able to help out my fellow classmates in questions and help them understand the problem. Could you give me any ideas on how to extend or evolve on that topic or some hints that i am going in the right direction

Thanks

Beautifulchaos

Apr 9, 2012

Writing Feedback / How Computer Affects My Life [3]

Red - add in
Blue - get rid of
Green - suggestions

Computer is becoming an important part part of what , and people have been relying on how its works a lot nowadays nowadays is a weird word use in this day of age or something . First, I would like to give you a short introduce on what a computer is. About hardware,A Computer is a machine that consists some of main component such as CPU (Central Processing Unit), Memory, HDD (Hard Disk Drive), and a main board. It is a programmable machine to help user transfer and receive data. Also, if your computer has a network card, you can also surf online . About software , there are millionsof softwares that can be use on computers . I would list down here Some of the most common softwares which many people use in every day lifeare Internet Explorer, Microsoft Office, and Windows Media, etc.

I have a complete set computer at home. It has includeds a computer, a LCD monitor, a key board, and a mouse. I use it for my work, school, and entertainment every day. For example, I can communicate with my co-worker or friends via email by using Internet Explorer or Microsoft Outlook. It is very convenient and saves a lot of time. I don't have to wait or look for the person I need to contact. I do not have to do a hand writing letter, and then mail it via the Post Office. I just open the Internet Explorer from the computer; it can send an email to my co-worker or friend within a minute. Another example that computers is very important in my life is it can help me to do research for school. For research, "Google" and many other similar websites can help me with whatever information that I do not understand or would like to learn. It is a great help to me and I think for most people. For school, Microsoft Office can help me do presentationsdocuments with Microsoft Word or Microsoft Power Point. Other softwares from Microsoft Office or Windows can help me do quick calculation ,organize with Microsoft Excel or Drawing with Paint software. My last example for how computer affects my life is Windows Media from Windows OS. I can enjoy music on the computer or I can install other similar software to play music.

In conclusion, I believe computer is not only a part of my life but also many other people on this world nowadays(Change) . It can help us do everything more organizer, faster, and eaiser

Its not bad but needs some work. Its your essay so just look through the corrections and decide if they are right for your essay. Hope this makes sense.

Beautifulchaos

Apr 9, 2012

Letters / Chinese origin,Born & raised in Netherlands; Motivation Letter/Int Business Admin [2]

My first impression is that this is brilliant. In this letter you show me that you have the skills to do what you are applying to. To me the grammar is correct. Very well written. Would hirer you on the spot. My only suggestion maybe try to make the four points flow into each other instead of just saying here's 1 then 2 and so on.

Hope that helps.

Beautifulchaos

Apr 9, 2012

Undergraduate / 'people you meet impact you' - 500 word Personal essay [2]

Am applying for my science honours program at my university

A insightful essay up to 500 words in length that identifies and explains the most significant factors or influences that have contributed to your personal and intellectual development:

"You talk all the time but you never say anything"
The moment I heard this statement the first thing I thought about was me. To me the ability to open up was so foreign that I could not comprehend it. When people think about opening up to people the first thing that comes to mind is will they like me, can I make that important first impression. That is just how are brains are wired and for people like me that is all we think about, all the time.

During my schooling I always keep my self to my self. From classmates and teachers to sports and academics I always made my self look normal to avoid getting the attention that kids who pushed them self to achieve got. Getting that attention just made me think that people would start to think I was a freak or just a show off. Having that state of mind made me bottle my true self up so that the person that I was would always stay the way it was. I was too afraid of change and because of that I wouldn't let anyone get close to me.

During my high school experience I final saw what I was doing to my self. I was pushing every one I cared for away just to protect my self. During my grade 12 year I had a teacher who new exactly what I was doing and he wasn't having any of it. He new what I could be and he was going to prove it to me. During math class he would purposely asked me questions to get me to talk. He got me to do questions on the board. He insisted that the class ask their classmates for help. By doing these simple tasked people stating to ask me question about the assignment and by my suprisement I was actually able to help them understand the problems they were having. I was able to show what I was actually good and they loved me for it. They didn't ridicule me for being a freak or a show off they actually thought I was amazing and that one though gave me the ability to start to show every one who I was and what I was really capable of. This one action/ thought gave me the confidences that I most desperately needed and from this I started to make something of my self. My grades spiked, I started to hang out with my friends, I started to live my life to the fullest despite what anyone said. From now on I was going to be who I was all the time.

People believe that the people you meet impact you the most and they are exactly right. My whole life was one influence after another. But having that one moment where your whole life is in the spot life, which gives you that extra push, makes the whole difference. During my life I believed in the most ridiculous thing and believing that one thing turned out to be my down fall. Having just that one thought, that one moment can change anyone's life forever.

What do you think. English is not my forte math is so tell me if its any good