Undergraduate / Common App Essay (my father's watch) [2]

One day, my father came home with a brand new watch. It was the first time I had seen such a tiny watch, so mu heart beat fast. How could that little piece of metal works as much as our grandfather clock? I used my whole imagination to come up with a method to shrink the clock into 1/100 of its size, but it was far too unrealistic.

I was eight years old when I developed my interest in engineering. Back then, I indulged in the use of multiple technological tools, such as computers and electrical clocks, on a daily basis. My childhood was surrounded with items that made my life easy.

That night, while my parents were watching the television, I sneaked into my father's room and attempted to see the inside of watch. I felt as if I were about to see magic. I took out my screwdriver and started to open the backside of the watch. However, at next moment, the door opened and my father appeared. "What are you doing?" he cried. "It's mine!" He grabbed the watch away from my hands and took me back to my room. I could hardly sleep that night. When I woke up the next morning, I was drenched in sweat. The existence of watch kept bothering m, and many questions were left a mystery.

A few days later, my father surprisingly bought me the same exact watch that he himself owned. He thought I was interested in the overall style of a watch's design (it was the newest model). He didn't know that my true attention was directed toward its inside. I quickly opened the package and ran into my room. In my hand I held the same screwdriver. My mouth was fully opened and my heart beat rapidly as I uncovered the shell of the watch. Finally, I caught a glimpse of the inside. I saw a million tiny gears, each of which was spinning one after another. The whole view took my breath away and my brain was filled with fascination. How and who had calculated this complex mechanism of gears revolving one by one?

I stared at the inside for a long time. I imagined contributing to the process in which inventors spend unthinkable years, using their lives to make others' lives easier. I wanted to be one of them.

Today, the use of technology is more a necessity than an option. It's difficult to think of modern life without technological tools. We overlook the effort that engineers put into every product that makes our lives more convenient. I hold in my mind that mysterious watch and I still want to understand why it works.

I still feel that this one is incompleted... please help me make it better. Thank you

Undergraduate / UPenn Why Us (5 points) [2]

Hello,

Here are some scattered reasons why I'm interested in Penn. I'm still working on putting them together, but I'm also sure that I made some structural/grammar mistakes.

I'll be glad if you can make any suggestions... Thanks
Environment: Being located in the city of Philadelphia, where is the sixth most populous city in the United States of America, the campus of Penn represents the world. More than 10,000 undergraduates are enrolled, and there are people from diverse and unique cultures. Meeting different people everyday sounds exciting. I believe learning in such a big community gives a global perspective that helps me become a well-rounded person.

Research Opportunity: Holding 174 institutes with more than 4,200 faculty and 5,400 support assistants, Penn's rich availability of research is what makes Penn unique. Rather than just teaching what's in the book, Penn values the actual hands-on activities, which make students become curious and active learners. In such place like Penn, students have no difficulty finding answers for their questions.

Extracurricular Activities: I believe school is not all about studying. It's also a place where students have the opportunities to get involved in services of their interest which can benefit their community and help them grow as the individuals. I am impressed by the fact that approximately 12,000 Penn students are motivated, taking advantage of more than 300 difference activities.

Leadership in Engineering: Becoming an engineer is my childhood dream. To me, engineering is a crucial subject because everything around us is made by engineers: chairs, desks, and even pens. Engineering is a fundamental of our lives, especially in this twenty-first century when we're always looking for more convenience. Penn's prestige and dedication to engineering fields intrigues me and I believe Penn will offer me everything I expect to learn with numerous award-winning faculty and academic opportunities.

"The Spirit of Innovation": This short slogan tells me the freedom Penn offers to its students. In order to bring the changes and improvements to the society, different ideas are necessary; and they cannot be contrived with constraints. Penn encourages its students to freely seek the new possibilities, and produces creative liberal thinkers for the next generation. I strongly agree with Penn's policy and it's an ideal place for me to learn.