Undergraduate /
I have always hated waiting and yet here I was sticked around for judges verdict. UC Essay prompt 2 [8]
Thanks a lot!
Unfortunately (and ironically) my deadline is in a day or two, so I don't think I can wait around;however, thanks for the feedback and the assistance.
I took your advice and here is my updated version. I know you probably don't have time to go over all of this, so I guess some feedback will be great.I have always hated waiting and yet here I was waiting. If I were to describe myself in one word, it would be "go-getter." Some would say that this sort of attitude makes me come across as impatient; however it has proved to be extremely beneficial to me numerous times. If I encounter a problem I am unable to bring myself to stand around waiting for a solution to present itself. I prefer resolving the issue sooner rather than later.
It was the day when our student life coordinators were to select the best dances for our school's annual cultural dance. My friends and I never really considered myself to be the best of dancers; nevertheless we were excited with the prospects of trying something different and choreographing our own dance for the first time. We had started promptly and had put a lot of effort into it.
I nervously paced back and forth; sweat dripping down my forehead and a frown etched on my face. Looking around, I could not help but notice a sharp contrast. My friends and other classmates were cheerfully talking among themselves. Suddenly, all conversation came to an abrupt halt as one of the judges emerged from the meeting room and started announcing the first round of selected dances. My feelings of eagerness quickly turned to shock as I realized our name was not on the list.
My friends assured me that maybe our dance will be mentioned in the second round. I wanted to believe them, but I refused to accept that our routine had not made the first round as we had worked effortlessly. I could not control myself knowing that that there was no way to change the judge's minds after the final round, and my feelings of shock quickly turned into resolve. And so, I strode into the judge's room and probed for an explanation to why we weren't selected. I did receive a few surprised looks and feared that I may have offended them; however, one of the judges decided to look into it seeing how tense I was. My worst fears manifested themselves as I realized they had not received our email at all.
I immediately ran to our library and emailed them the video just in time for the second wave of announcements. Much to our relief, we had made it and we went on to win first place!
This achievement meant more than winning a competition; it taught me valuable lessons as well. Though my tendency to immediately rush into things may have caused me a few grievances, it has been extremely beneficial to me numerous times.. After every success or failure, a new problem that requires my attention arises and it is my "impatience" that encourages me to keep on progressing and prevents me from procrastinating. I live in the moment.
My pain problem is that some parts of my essay sound a bit awkward and I don't know how to put certain terms into words. Any help with that would be apreciated.
Thanks once again!