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Posts by hello123
Joined: Dec 25, 2008
Last Post: Dec 28, 2008
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hello123   
Dec 25, 2008
Undergraduate / 'disciplinary lessons' - Tufts - Short Answer [6]

grammatical fixes and other comments/critiques welcome.

There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today.

I have always been surrounded by a lot of people, and I am blessed that there were so many individuals who cared for me and taught me the essential lessons in life. From my parents, for example, I learned more of the disciplinary lessons like respecting elders, being polite, studying hard, never giving up, etc. From other people that surrounded me, teachers, baby sitters, mentors, and friends, I learned lessons like sharing, giving, and being friendly. Of course my parents taught me the lessons that my teachers and peers taught me and vice versa, but it was obvious which lessons each group stressed. Because I was influenced by so many people, I have embodied the different ideals of those that surround me and have grown to truly become a "people person." As clichï as it may sound, I would never be the person I am today if it were not for those dear to my heart.
hello123   
Dec 26, 2008
Undergraduate / MIT (Short Activity Essay) RUNNING! [4]

This is a very nicely written answer. There's a lot of imagery in there that helps the reader grasp what you're saying.

"That feeling that overwhelms your body when you use up every ounce of energy, that sense of total, complete, accomplishment."

Changing "your" and "you" to my and me would work better in my opinion. But that's just me.
hello123   
Dec 28, 2008
Undergraduate / U of Chicago essay [7]

I second what lasershot said. Great Job. I'm sure those 5 body paragraphs are great as well. And the road of life approach is not to cliche in my opinion.
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