Writing Feedback / 'very essential to any people' - TOEFL IBT - Why do people need to attend university? [7]

University and college do not only offer a lot of majors such as engineering, journalism, economy, art, etc they do also organize those majors in such logical ways which help us easier to studyhelp us study easier(make our study more comfortable)

For example, when one wants to study engineering, heone must first learn Mathematics, Physics and Science to have background knowledge before study to become and engineer. (many "learn","study" in one sentences)

Those who want to work as journalists will first need to learn literature, society, writing styles first.(can you mix it with the previous sentence)

Therefore, when attending to university or college, we receiveBy this I mean, university and college provide us step-by-step education in order to know how to start, how to progress our study to achieve the best results (I like it that way :),althought this sentence seem not to be suitable to use "therefore")

Firstly, Secondly, Thirdly

( Besides, the second and the fifth paragraph are not persuasive)

_All the best, Trung_

Writing Feedback / 'What do you do for good health?' - TOEFL essay [4]

Topic: People do many different things to stay healthy. What do you do for good health? Use specific reasons and expamples to support your answer.[/b]

Nowadays, people recongizerecognize that health is an important thing that they need to increase intense(intensely/ intensive) awareness about. PropotionatelyProportionately improving the standard life ("Along with the improving of standard life" or " As the modern life" may be more suitable ?? ) , media communicates how vital the health bring to human's life regularly. In my country, people's word-of-mouth that "health is more valuable than gold", this reveals that health is being more and more concerned. It's true to say that health gives to people rich of metal 's (mental) and physical's life ( confusing ??) you can try: "It's true to say that health enrich our life in both mental and physical way".

. Identifying the benefits of healthy life, people attempt to do many things which can help their(them)more rich of health. (help + Verb). For me ( In my opinion/ As far as I am concern/ From my point of view) , to keep myself is always in ready to do, I have been preparing many things that suit for my current conditions now.

Doing exercise daily is an action that I put it into the top of schedule (list/...). (Doing exercise daily is my top priority)
To make my body fitter and the spirit fresher in morning, I have made an agenda to jog and do gym at least 2 hours everyday(per day) . These activities (practices) are plain sports that I prefer doing. I just need to wear simple clothes with comfortable shoes, then I can start do these sports ("play sport" not "do sport) . It is excited sense when I finish jog around the park near my apartment, I am energetic to ready to do everything. (need to recheck the tense)

Logically association(adj + N, adv + V) between doing exercise and balance meals(balancing meals or you can use "balance diet") is a important thing I wary all time. I have read some culinary and heath magazines, they demostrated("demonstrated" but may be "show" is more suitable) that diet and balance meals with kinds of food take 80% healthy decision yourself.(confusing??) In order to choose right foods for your body condition, your have to be conscious in shopping and cooking your own foods. Some of essential nutritionsnutrion prevail on the mordenmodern life are protein, vitamins, minerals and so on. The best way I recommend you is need to update your health on many types of nutrition foods. (Structure ??)

In conclusion, each person has his own ways and your can find your own ways to keep yourseflyourself always in willing to do in your life with strong mental's and physical's health(don't use " 's " with Adj)(Confusing ??) . Considering the important of health in social life, you actually take much time to take care your selfyourself like me.

@Prince_prince: you should revise the IELTS paragraph's structure. (Organising words, general subject, topic sentence...)

@Trung: I'm agree with your argument that going to university or college would help us enhance our confidence. The problem is that choosing university can't give us a clear orientation, you must have a clear orientation first and then you can choose an suitable uni and enhance your confidence afterward. In my opinion, good education background accompanies with good social status, that's the fact of our country, by this way, we gain our confidence.

Writing Feedback / 'very essential to any people' - TOEFL IBT - Why do people need to attend university? [7]

@Phong: you should visit essayforum.com more offen :)

Writing Feedback / 'both of parents go out to work' - task 2 writing [3]

All parents want to give (provide) their children the best conditions to live and study so(therefore, "so" is mainly use in spoken language) both of them go out to work. Some people believe that additional income provide higher living standard (the higher the additional income the better the living standards) , in the other hand, others say that this make children live without enough support from their childrenof their parents . To be lack support or not to be is a common problem of almost families in the world.

Families of which both parents work hard withfor high salaries supply their children better living condition. If they do not have enough money, they will not have a chance to pay for comfortable house, delicious meals and good study environment. As an example, my family move from countryside to the capital. It is difficult to buy house or car with small salary of one parent(only farther or mother) unless he or she is a millionaire. Actually, to live a hand to a mouth in a city is a not a easy problem. Every households spend the bulk of budget on electronic bill, food and accommodation, moreover prices are increasing day by day while annual salaries stand unchanged

Although, some people think that parents work so busilybusy to earn money that they have no time for their babies. Teenagers need advices from their parents in this ageperiod but they only get parents' absence (the only thing they get is parents' absence) . By no means do children develop good characteristic without parents' love. Society witnessed that numerous children lost their direction and were lured into social evils withby irresponsible parents abandoning. Teenagers often follow their parents' steps to improve themselves and if parents do not care ofabout them, they will be vulnerable to social illness.(I like this point :) )

Under no circumstance do(??) parents hope that their children have great life so they will choose the best option to support full life with better service. Parents are not only earn sufficient money but also spend time on taking care of their children. (What does this mean ? Where is your conclusion ?)

By the way may be you can get more detail feedback if your include the topic question ?

Writing Feedback / Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. [3]

Hi, Malavika Reddy

metal imbalance : mental imbalance
By affording counselling, there is a chance to becometransform offender in to a normal person (By affording counselling, a normal person might less likely to commit a crime)or may be this isn't what your mentioned. It's confusing. Moreover, some sentences are too long. Especially, paragraph 3, the example support which kind of argument, agree argument or disagree argument ?