Writing Feedback / 'advantage use of technology for humans' - GRE eassay [3]

As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

The speaker asserts that increase in technology in the world reduces the thinking capacity of humans. The technology is improving rapidly faster by the day and the world around us presents web of gizmos doing work for humans. I agree with this notion that our agility is deteriorating. But I would not like to agree to degrade technology as it is helping people gain cognizance.

The apt examples that agree with the statement are calculators, robots, computers and many more. Firstly, consider calculators, in education we make use of this in higher grades with basics already hammered into our brains at younger age. But repeated use of calculators has made our brain go into dormant stages. It has become so difficult for us to do simple math. Younger ones are more affected by this technology doing their simple basic math not in their brains but in computers or calculators or iPhones.

The robots are designed to think and interpret like humans thus reducing the work of humans at least that is what we think. But it is one reason that is making humans become passive. All the work simple or not people do it using these machines. Whenever people on the whole become sluggish, their brain too starts to hibernate little day by day. Another contributor to this effect is television and computers, humans try to spend their "leisure" time watching TV or gaming, which doesn't relieve them of their stress but adds to it.

The reason to disagree with the statement that says "technology is improving", consider the question who is improving? Is it not humans? Their ability is increasing with the technology. Though most of the work be done by machines there will be human brain involving that initiates the work, controls them, alters them if fault, and ends when result is obtained.

The computers on the other hand are beatific gift providing a means to ameliorate the knowledge by watching around the world videos, interacting with the professions, see the world, and come to know different perspectives on a trite issue. Nevertheless it brings unity all over the nation and the world.

In sum, all of this depends on how to embrace the technology, be it pro or con the technology will progress. In fact humans need to be educated about the advantage use of technology.

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Graduate / 'honing my skills' - help: SOP-electrical engineering [3]

From a little girl who squealed with joy when her dad gave in to her badgering to buy a cell phone, to a 21 year old who is now sitting in front of an electronic device with more than 2 billion transistors writing this Statement of Purpose, one thing that has never changed is my passion to know more about the awe inspiring world of electronics. During the high school science fair, when I took a break to study the other exhibits, my attention was drawn towards a group of students who were swarming around one particular model like bees around a flower. I quickened my footsteps and excitedly entered the room and almost immediately a shrill sound drowned out all the chatter and all the heads turned towards me. This primitive security system which set off an alarm every time someone stepped on the carpet captured my imagination made my heart skip a beat. I was amazed at how a miniscule IC could do such wonders. Since then I have dreamt of inventing a simple yet splendid ingenious piece of equipment that would prove to be both indispensable and economical. This thirst for knowledge fueled by a desire for invention led me to pursue Electronics & Communication as my under graduate major.

I have always been curious to learn beyond the classroom and hence to improve my cognizant I joined the IEEE committee. Ever since I joined this forum, I have been active in organizing events related to the field of Microcontrollers, Robotics and Power control systems which further fueled my passion as my understanding of these concepts broadened. My academic performance has been excellent all through engineering where I have always been among the top 5 in a class of over 110. This is a trend which has continued since school. After attending an IEEE seminar about switched diversity receivers in IISC institute given by Professor Marco Chiani from the University of Bologna, I decided to opt for communication when it was time for me to choose a project topic. My project with a team of 4 titled as "Performance analysis of single and dual branch of switch and stay combiner (SSC) over Weibull fading channel" was based on many IEEE papers that provided performance measures on various combiners over independent generalized gamma, Rayleigh and generalized-k channels but which failed to provide performance measures of SSC over Independent Weibull fading channel. This project allowed me to delve into the world of mathematics and telecommunication technology giving me sound technical base, benefiting me to manage multi-tasking efficiently during the final year.

During engineering I realized that garnering knowledge though important would be useless if it is not properly communicated to people. So I joined Toastmasters International to conquer my stage fright and hone my communication and leadership skills. Through this, I have been able to fabricate better comprehensive seminars and more importantly manage my limited time efficiently. When my club offered me the position of Vice President in charge of education, I happily agreed to shoulder the responsibility. During my tenure, I helped one of our members to complete his certification from Toastmasters International education program. This was our club's very first Certification since it was chartered which helped my club to get the prestigious Distinguished club award. The additional responsibilities helped me become far more organized which proved to be a valuable asset throughout my studies. When the (opportunity turned up) I agreed to take up the position of Vice-President in charge of Membership. Even though I find this new role to be much more challenging as it tested my (persuasion techniques), I am happy as these challenges have helped me to come a step closer to achieving my true potential.

I personally feel that the field of electronics and communication has great potential for growth in developing countries like India. There are lots of researches happening all over the world aimed at increasing the gain by minimizing power usage and losses. Also the perspectives in this field are rapidly changing and electrical professionals are being called to cater to these changing demands. My long term is to leave my footprints in this field through the contribution of novel ideas and transforming into products.

The graduate education in your university will add to my personal growth through the unique experience of being independent and also by obtaining global exposure by interacting with a mixture of talented student body spanning from across the world with different academic backgrounds, cultures and ideologies. All these are challenges that I am set for and I am positive that I can face them head on. My intense desire to continue future studies at your university stems from remarkably distinguished faculty whose research projects in the field of XXX interests me, and a collaborative environment within the department that blends high quality course work. I also strongly believe that while honing my skills, I will make a positive and successful contribution to the department. I would be honored if I am given the opportunity to pursue further studies at your esteemed university.

Does this SOP need any improvements ?
could someone help me correct the sentence in BOLD ITALICS