ElizabethHay
Aug 5, 2012
Undergraduate / U of Mich Supplement Community Essay "Running Community" [4]
I would love some feedback on this mini essay, it is still in the beginning stages.
Prompt: Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)
Slamming her warm up shoes into the corner of the tent , Gabe angrily declared, "It's windy." The six of us in the tent sighed. Nothing needed to be said, we were equally as upset. Trudging to the starting line, the other teams appeared. Blank expressions and tough exteriors started to take their places. Getting ready to start our cross country race, I looked to either side of me. Although we were competing, I knew everybody had the adverse conditions on their mind. In fact, being part of the running community, I knew that every time we began a race, there was a silent vow of respect for one another. There was a hope for everybody, no matter from what team, to succeed. We all shared experiences of hitting the alarm at 7 in the summer time to run 9 miles. We have been conditioning since June, for one race in November. We knew, all too well, the tragedies and triumphs of reaching a new personal record.
Then there was my team, dressed in orange and ready to overcome the windy obstacle. I was the captain, the steady force that lead the girls. To me, the title was strange. I was used to being the underdog. After being cut from the volleyball team in tenth grade, I wedged my way up the rankings. But now, as the mist began to fall and the official took out his gun, I was certain that I was always meant to be a runner. With a pull of the trigger I began to run, to once again define who I am.
I would love some feedback on this mini essay, it is still in the beginning stages.
Prompt: Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)
Slamming her warm up shoes into the corner of the tent , Gabe angrily declared, "It's windy." The six of us in the tent sighed. Nothing needed to be said, we were equally as upset. Trudging to the starting line, the other teams appeared. Blank expressions and tough exteriors started to take their places. Getting ready to start our cross country race, I looked to either side of me. Although we were competing, I knew everybody had the adverse conditions on their mind. In fact, being part of the running community, I knew that every time we began a race, there was a silent vow of respect for one another. There was a hope for everybody, no matter from what team, to succeed. We all shared experiences of hitting the alarm at 7 in the summer time to run 9 miles. We have been conditioning since June, for one race in November. We knew, all too well, the tragedies and triumphs of reaching a new personal record.
Then there was my team, dressed in orange and ready to overcome the windy obstacle. I was the captain, the steady force that lead the girls. To me, the title was strange. I was used to being the underdog. After being cut from the volleyball team in tenth grade, I wedged my way up the rankings. But now, as the mist began to fall and the official took out his gun, I was certain that I was always meant to be a runner. With a pull of the trigger I began to run, to once again define who I am.