Undergraduate / I was born to sell; Influential Person - Dad [9]

please i need help asap! also, i would like help on the grammar and any criticism would be greatly appreciated! thank you

Undergraduate / Common App Extra Curriculum(150 words, Senior Math Team) [5]

I joined the Senior Math Team

maybe instead of i participated in it you could say:
I joined to improve my SAT score and to challenge myself.

Slowly, I loved my experience on the math team.

A day after the mathmatic contest was taken, students put and explain solutions of problems on the board.

After all, it feels great to hear other students applauding my work.

I had fun sharing ideas because I learned new things.

I am glad that the students are able to understand my ideas.

Through my experiences in the Senior Math Team, I found new ways to look at the same old things.

When I face a problem, I try to look at it from a different angle. The solution comes out quickly and accurately.

I like to share my thoughts and the people really listen and understand them.

Challenging, sharing, and recognition were things I looked for and found in this club/team.

Undergraduate / 'Good education and hard work ' - my grandma, a significant person [5]

i think that you should include more personal experiences that have been inspired by your grandmother.

Undergraduate / Woman who has taught me how to navigate my world - influential person in my life.. [12]

i liked it but the only thing i would suggest is show more than tell

Undergraduate / I was born to sell; Influential Person - Dad [9]

oh yeah definitely this is just the intro but yeah im gonna show more than tell
im just confused on where to start

and thanks!

Undergraduate / I was born to sell; Influential Person - Dad [9]

thanks. actually thats what i was going to do. that was my intro but and i have other paragraphs that elaborate on those aspects. ill upload them fairly soon.

Undergraduate / I was born to sell; Influential Person - Dad [9]

I was born to sell. More importantly, I am fated to become a successful entrepreneur. I can say this confidently thanks to my father. My father strongly influences me due to his teachings on important life values: family, integrity, ambition, and generosity. He's also given me a strong mentality and will, partly because he's my own personal motivator. He inspires me to achieve greatness on a daily basis. He's always tells me, "El mundo es tuyo pero tienes que ganártelo". (The world is yours but you have to earn it). His rags to riches story, his family man character, and his open arms make him the ideal role model in my eyes. I feel that it is key for anyone that wants to understand who I am to know that I come from my family, and that I am my father's daughter. I feel a great sense of pride whenever anyone says, "Ella es exactamente como su padre."(She's just liked her father).

My father Jose grew up in the little "barrio" of Tahuantinsuyo (Lima), Perú. When my dad was 15, my grandfather passed away and my dad became the man of the house. At 15, he began to support his family while continuing his studies at La Universidad de San Marcos. Later he became a professor of political science and he worked at a car dealership to make ends meet. Aside from all of the struggles my dad was preoccupied with, my father always maintained a positive demeanor and never stopped dreaming about the day he would come to America. When he finally came to the United States with my mother, they worked several jobs. My father worked as a baker and as a carpenter. My mother worked as a maid, a waitress, and as a factory worker. My father always knew that the jobs he held were only a temporary arrangement and he always kept reaching for the moon.

From a young age, I witnessed the trials and tribulations my father faced in his achievement of the American Dream. Wanting a better profession my father applied for a job to sell insurance. Although he did not know much English, he had an eagerness and ability to sell, something that the hiring manager recognized. My father encountered a lot of racism along the way, but he didn't let it stop him from realizing his dreams. His charisma and the little English he knew proved to be more than enough for my father. He won prestigious awards for the number of policies he sold. Moreover, my dad earned the confidence of his clients and many of them are close family friends and they support us in other businesses we have established. My father's job opened a lot of doors for him. He started a tax preparation company, a marketing business, a mortgage/ real estate business, and he later started two magazines - Que Honda en la Bahía, and Tu Casa. He also became a radio personality for his program, Casas Y Mas. The purpose behind the radio show was to educate and inform the Hispanic community on how to buy homes, how to succeed in this country, and to motivate our Hispanic community. He has inspired many listeners to make good decisions and to become their own successes. At least once he has actually saved a desperate listener's life. When I think about the life my father has lived, I know that I want to live that same type of life. I want to be a self-made woman and I want to start a business in which I have strong long lasting relationships with my clients. If I can inspire any of them or if I can even save one of their lives, I can die happily.

******* OH YEAH BTW NOT DONE LIKE NOT EVEN CLOSE WHICH I KNOW IS TERRIBLE BECAUSE ITS REALLY LONG AND WHAT NOT BUT I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR WHAT YOU GUYS THINK OF IT SO FAR. WHAT I SHOULD TAKE OUT, WHAT I SHOULD KEEP, WHAT I SHOULD CHANGE, ETC.

THANKS AGAIN!